Your boy Caliber is back in full force. I know, it seems like it’s been damn near years, and I apologize for that. Sebastian became busy with life and some other writing, and I took on about 300 other projects, so it became hard for us to keep up with something we hated. I mean, don’t get it twisted, it was a lot of fun reviewing WCW 2000, but it was a pain in the ass for me to get a hold of them, and yeah, the shows also sucked so one did not look forward to them.
Now that I have the WWE Network, I have total access to every Nitro, PPV, and Clash of the Champions for the year 1997, which is my absolute favorite year in pro-wrestling. So, with a little free time, the machine is back up and running, and now we’re gonna start looking at the gloriousness that is WCW in 1997.
January 6th, 1997
Glacier vs Bobby Eaton
Glacier is undefeated at this point, but people still don’t care. Man, what a weird dichotomy. From the absolute realness of the nWo, to a guy who comes out to laundry detergent flakes, and carrying an “ancient” helmet. Glacier isn’t doing much wrestling at this point, and is still doing those ridiculous, exaggerated martial arts moves. Honestly, I’m shocked they didn’t find a way for him to throw a freeze ball. The match ends when Glacier kicks Bobby in the face, then drops to his knee and does a few exaggerated punches to the air I’d be SO pissed off if i was Bobby. I mean, sure, beat me, that’s fine, but do you HAVE to do that thing where you wave your hands around afterward? You’d think this dork was about to try and catch a fly with a chopstick before going for the pin. Nothing terrible here, as Glacier is always goofy enough to provide entertainment.
Glacier wins with a kick to the face at 1:55 | *1/2
Big Bubba vs Konnan – Strap Match
Nothing too amazing here, to be honest. There was a lot of punching, and a few clotheslines. Then we had the ridiculous finish, where Konnan touches three corners, Bubba stops him, even knocks him down, then stands him back up, nails him with a punch, and he falls back into the turnbuckle, winning. What the hell? What are the Strap Match rules here in WCW? You can touch a few turnbuckles, then quit the match, drive home, eat dinner, retire for 50 years, come back and finish touching the remaining ones, winning the match? Pretty boring, honestly.
Konnan touches all 4 turnbuckles at 5:57 | *
Mean Gene interviews the 4 Horsemen, sans Benoit and Woman. There’s an angle going on with Benoit & Woman in regards to the Taskmaster. It’s kinda creepy in regards to what happened later on. Debra gets some interview time, and, well, I can’t tell if she’s purposely that annoying, or if that’s really her. Double J comes out and keeps vying for a spot in the Horsemen, but then makes the mistake of insulting Arn, who promptly kicks his ass. However, they get into the ring, start brawling, Double J hits Arn with a snap neck-breaker, then gets the pin with his feet on the ropes, despite the fact there was no match. I have a terrible confession to make. I dig Mongo. I actually look forward to when he comes out, because he’s such a freaking goofball.
Hell yeah, we get the commercial for WCW Saturday Night where they show the arm that turns into a robot and such.
DDP vs Steven Regal [C] – WCW TV Championship
Love me some Regal, he’s such a fantastic heel. I wish he was still hanging with Earl Robert Eaton. Ah, man. DDP’s music played, and he didn’t come out, for whatever reason, so instead we get fucking Duggan. I was stoked for DDP vs Regal, now I’m so bummed. Duggan is the absolute worse. Well, at least the mics picked up Regal saying “shut your fucking mouth” to a fan. Now Nash, Bischoff, and Syxx come out to take over the announcers booth. This match is real hard to watch, but the commentary is worth it. Bischoff says that Duggan is as “wide as a house”, and Nash follows up with “Well, we’re in Louisiana, so they’ll know what we’re talking about, he’s as thick as a double wide”. So, Duggan takes a roll of tape, wraps a ton of it around his fist, clocks Regal, and the bell rings. Now, I’ve seen Duggan win a ton of matches with this, which I often think is bullshit, because it’s clearly CHEATING. So, I think these assholes have finally wised up and called him on it. Nope, instead it’s suppose to have been a time limit draw. However, I clock these matches, and I seriously doubt the match was set to go with a time limit of 7:20. So, yeah, let’s protect Duggan, because God forbid the great wrestler, great heel, great talker, and CURRENT CHAMPION not get a win over a fucking doofus. Ugh. This blew, and it was all Duggan’s fault.
Time limit draw at 7:20 | DUD
Hugh Morrus vs Jim Powers
Jim Powers got most of the offense until Morrus hit him with a powerslam out of no where and hits the No Laughing Matter moonsault.
Morrus wins with the No Laughing Matter at 1:39 | *
Psicosis vs Rey Mysterio JR
Psy sends Rey to the outside, then tries to hit him with a sitting back flip off the top rope, except he gets ZERO bounce, and just falls backwards. Really, you loose your menace when you attack someone with a move that looks like you’re falling off the back of the sofa. There’s a small group of folk chanting “Mexico sucks!”. coming from Louisiana, I’m shocked. A some what decent match, but they seemed some what off during this match, and it didn’t live up to the previous matches of theirs I’ve seen. Rey wins with the West Coast Pop.
Rey hits the West Coast Pop for the win at 6:42 | **
Taskmaster vs Chavo Guerrero
Taskmaster beats the hell out of Chavo the whole match, then hits the Tree of Woe, followed by the dumbest finisher arguably in history, and that’s where he stomps on your chest. Sure, maybe if Super Mario were a heel that finisher might work.
Taskmaster wins with the Super Mario Stomp at 2:13 | *
Alex Wright vs Eddie Guerrero
These two have a pretty decent match, but not exactly what I was expecting, Plus, a portion of the match was the camera focusing on Syxx who was sitting down the aisle way on a ladder, as Eddie & Syxx are meeting at Souled Out for the US title in a ladder match. Eddie wins with the Frogsplash, then chases after Syxx, who runs away. He also has the belt, which he stole from Eddie at Starrcade.
Eddie wins with the Frog Splash at 9:20 | **
Hell yeah, Lee Marshall On The Road!
The Amazing French Canadians vs Harlem Heat
I’ve always dug Col Parker. While he manages TAFC, he dresses like he’s in the French Foreign Legion. Brilliant. Not a bad match, pretty basic, no real length to it. I dig the Canadians, which is comprised of the Mountie and the Pirate. Heat wins this one with the Heat Bomb, which is something I’ve never seen them do. Stevie does a power bomb, while Booker hits an elbow drop at the same time, pretty inventive. The Mountie eats the pin, and Col Parker is not pleased.
Harlem Heat win with the Heat Bomb at 4:02 | **
Meng vs Lex Luger
Meng controls the beginning of the match, doing his typical Mengness, but then Sexy, Flexy, Lexy catches him off guard with some clotheslines, and flying forearms. He puts him in The Rack, but accidentally clips the ref with Meng’s leg, and knocks him down. Barbarian comes in to make the save, so Luger puts him in the Rack while the ref comes to, dazed, and calls for the bell as the Barbarian screams that he quits, and the ref of course thinks he’s Meng. Pretty creative ending. An insanely basic TV match, with all the Luger trimmings, nothing offensive here.
Luger wins with The Rack at 4:56 | **
Bischoff and Hogan talk a gang of shit about Hogan beating up PIper and the Giant single handedly, which brings out the Giant to take on the whole nWo by himself. That was something I always loved about the nWo, the fact that, Hogan especially, was insanely delusional, and the worst beating he got, the worst beating he’d say he laid on said person, it was great. Giant does a pretty good job of taking out the nWo, but the numbers get the best of him, and Hogan beats the shit out of him with a chair. Hulkster has some sweet boots that feature Terminator Exoskeletons on them. They prop up The Giant so Eric can kick him in the face, which I always loved. Sting comes down after the nWo have taken over the announcers booth, whispers in the Giant’s ear, and leaves the bat. The guys tell Vince to grab the bat and take care of him again, only for The Giant to pop to life and deliver a hell of a chokeslam, before fending off the nWo as we go to black.
Summary: This was a a very, very boring show. It had a couple high-lights, like Glacier’s goofy ass, and the final nWo segment. Other than that, this was an absolutely go no where, run of the mill show that seemed like a place holder until the bookers came back or something.