[Note From Caliber: I know updates have slowed down to a crawl, and for that I apologize. I started doing podcasts, youtube videos, running a daily fitness website, and writing for 411mania. So this unfortunately took a backside. However, I’ve whipped Sebastian into shape, and he’s gonna be giving us a weekly update, with me jumping in on the NFC front, as well as reviewing PPVs with him. Alrighty, let’s get it. ]
I’M BACK!!!!!!! I know you people were waiting for weeks…. Months just refreshing the site to see when I would post something new… Caliber even sent me some e-mails showing that you guys were actually crying because you missed me so much. Well, the reason I was gone for so long is that I ACTUALLY HAVE A LIFE DAMMIT!!! When you’re hanging out with friends, and doing acid, trying to deal with court shit, and talking to a recruiter while also having to juggle talking your Grandma into not kicking you out of the house other things take priority than Nitro in 2001.
Another big reason I haven’t posted in a while is because I got a gig at inside pulse, and that’s the main site I’ve wanted to work for ever since I got into the IWC. I also get a lot more feedback in the comment section over at pulse than I do here, and it makes it that much more worth it to write something when someone has taken the time to make a long, thoughtful comment about it… or even if it’s just some retards telling me I suck, at least it’s SOME kind of voice. We rarely get comments on WCW2000 so sometimes… [NFC: The way it works, at least from what I’ve discovered, is that around 5-10% of an audience will comment. If that. So, if a site gets 100 different people visiting it, you’ll probably get 5-10 people who comment, if that. So that’s why bigger sites have commenters. Like, the Blog of Doom, he’s got probably 2000 different people or so, maybe more, who visit, yet there’s only 100 people commenting, at any given time.] even though I can look at the viewer count, it still seems like I’m shouting into nothing. And the WCW shows in 2001 have also just been terrible in every way imaginable… I have not in any way been looking forward to more Steiner as champion. But Caliber said he’s going to start pimping the site at 411mania. So for him, I will slog through more of these god awful shows.
The show starts with a giant Kevin Nash RIP, and are having a funeral for him. Guys he’s not dead, he just blew out his knees! Again… All the top heels come out (Buff Bagwell and Jeff Jarrett are considered top heels… Jesus), and there’s an actual casket in the ring. Scott Steiner should grab a sledgehammer and cave it in…. The last time they had a funeral it was for Goldberg, so is Nash as tired of this shit as everyone else and went home? Flair talks about how special Nash is even though Nash is the one who held Flair down when he had the book. Steiner thanks Flair for bending the rules… the drug testing rules! BOO YAH!!!
Steiner tells Sting he’s a bitch, and then goes over all the people he beat for the title. This has to be the absolute worst opening to a Nitro I’ve ever seen… it’s like creative is begging you to turn to Raw… Steiner’s been talking for like five goddamn minutes, and can barely speak coherent thoughts. Steiner opens the casket after the most endless, boring promo ever, and Kanyon comes out of it wearing a DDP wig. AND THEN STEINER CONTINUES TALKING!!!! Are you fucking kidding me!!!??? Steiner starts making matches for tonight, but they’re all so awful that I’ve already forgotten them.
And oh snaps, DDP is in the house. Page says he’s been to Hell (Page has been to Wenatchee???) and says he doesn’t care what Steiner does as long as he gets his title shot at Greed. Y’know, I accidentally deleted all my 2001 ppvs and its really obnoxious, because I’m going to have to download the whole thing all over again just for this one ppv… that probably sucks worse than the last one.
Commercial for some shitty Paper Mario game… just to remind you how old 2000 was, the game is for the N64. Ernest Miller talks incoherently while this chick smiles awkwardly, and grabs and stares at Miller.
1st Match: Shannon Moore vs Jamie Knoble w/ Evan Kragis
I feel that in ROH this match would’ve been the main event… They mention the cruiserweight match that happened two months… err, last night, and I remember it being pretty sweet. Moore hits a pretty cool rana off the top rope for a two count. Moore tries to do some flippy Rey shit, but Knoble stops him with a clothesline, and hits a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Moore gets a pretty cool… corkscrew 450 thingy splash for two. The move was similar to Jeff Hardy’s Whisper in the Wind but wasn’t the exact same thing. Moore goes for a senton off the apron but misses.
Moore hits a pretty slick somersault onto Knoble on the outside. Knoble finally slows down Moore, and plants him on the ground. Knoble throws Moore in the ring, and then Evan turns on Knoble, and hits him with a DDT, giving Moore the win. After the match Moore and Evan stomp out Jamie, and dance. 3… err, 2 count is back!!! I really don’t care… but it does show that WCW were afraid that Moore and Evan weren’t going to get over by themselves…. And also it shows that WCW has nothing better for them to do than fuck around with the tag team division. Both are pretty depressing.
2nd Match: Mike Awesomes vs Bryan Clarke
Lame, it’s not even the cool Bryan!!! Bryan chops the crap out of Awesome, and hits some punches in the corner. Elix Skipper comes out for absolutely no reason, and attacks Clarke, but Clarke takes him out. Storm comes out, and Awesome attacks Clarke form behind. Fortunately, Adams comes out, and KRONIK take out all the heels! [NFC: Yeah, take’em all out for a massage or something] Yay! So I guess the fact that the heels won last night means nothing as Kronik completely got their heat back the next night.
God, I’m an awful mood today huh? I took three Benadryl tablets yesterday, and I ended up sleeping for sixteen hours, and have been feeling pretty awful, and tired all day. Also, that shit gives me some really bad dreams…
Miller tells Storm he sucked as commissioner, and then sets up Storm vs Morrus. Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck you Miller. Storm was the best commissioner ever dammit!! Kid Romeo is coming to WCW, and his gimmick is that he’s a Mexican douchebag, who goes to the beach, and might be a homo.[NFC: So, he’s stealing the Filthy Animals’ gimmick?]
2nd Match: Chavo Guerrero vs WE’LL NEVER KNOW!!!! Because Konnan and Animal are fighting backstage!!!
Oh wait, never mind, he has to fight Kidman. Should be pretty sweet. Kidman is just all over the place, with a powerbomb into the corner, and then a clothesline… but we cut to break. What a lame ass time to take a break… ARE THEY TRYING TO GET ME TO SWITCH TO RAW!!???
Okay for some reason there’s like eight referees trying to stop Chavo and Kidman from fighting because I guess this was supposed to be a tag team match. Road Warrior and Konnan fight up the ramp, and are right outside the ring. Chavo goes outside and Warrior, and Chavo team up on Konnan. Konnan comes back with the pretty sweet Jericho springboard kick. Kidman in, and he hits Chavo with a backdrop. Nice elbow by Kidman, and he’s getting cocky as he does the Michaels kip up. Kidman fucks up, and misses the frogsplash off the top. Konnan in and he rolls up Chavo… this is a bit of a weird story as the faces are keeping the heel from getting the tag which is a complete reversal of the usual tag team story… and builds sympathy for Chavo even though we should be booing him.
They change roles and Konnan plays Morton…. But even while Chavo has the advantage he doesn’t tag in Animal for some reason. I’m curious if they’re keeping Animal out of this match on purpose because he’s that limited. If that’s the case, it’s really bothering the flow and story of the match. Kidman goes his shooting star press, but Warrior pulls Chavo out. Konnan and Warrior fight on the outside, and Chavo and Kidman are in it. Rey Mysterio comes out and hits Chavo in the balls…. Kidman gets the Unpretteir for the win.
3.5/5.0 Pretty decent action from Kidman and Chavo, even if Animal kinda fucked up the story to the match. Konnan actually kept up, which is surprising.
Was watching Family Feud, and this question came up, “Which Animal would you least like to give mouth to mouth?” and I swear to God the first answer that popped into my head was Scott Steiner.
3rd Match: Buff Bagwell vs Ernest Miller
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me….what did I do to deserve this horrible torture? See, I could be sitting through that trippy ass Doctor Who 80s Kinda episode, or setting up plans to hang out with Nick, or Ben, or some shit, but instead I’m busy REVIEWING GODDAMN ERNEST MILLER MATCHES!!!! Caliber, you sick fuck. [NFC: There was a time when he was with Sonny Ono, and he was awesome. He was really funny, and very original.]
Okay, we can all agree that this new Star Wars movie looks fucking sweet? [NFC: Yeah, it really does. So did the Batman vs Superman trailer] To the match, and Bagwell has a very exciting chinlock going on. Bagwell comes off the top with nothing, and Miller puts his feet up. Miller with some karate kicks, but misses an elbow drop. Kanyon comes out and holds Miller’s leg. Bagwell hits a really weak looking DDT, and this Blockbuster for the win. I want someone to have a finisher called The Netflix. Ms.Jones starts talking some shit, and slaps Kanyon, so Kanyon hits her with the Cutter. Aye, she wants to fuck around with guys, she got what she deserved.
They make this seem like a SHOOT angle or whatever, and act like Jones had her neck broken. Bro, it was a cutter! How much could it really hurt?
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon sucks ass. My Film Teacher made me watch it and write a really extended four page essay on it, on like font nine. The film was so goddamn boring… what the fuck was I supposed to fill four pages with? Asshole… fuck Mr. Mott. They try to make Thunder look important but it still seems like shit. Pretty sweet song playing for a car commercial… really nice instrumental. Bro, why would I be trying to save money for fucking Rubbermaid? OH MY GOD THEY HAVE LIGHTBULDS FOR 50 CENTS!!! LET ME DROP EVERYTHING AND GO BUY THOSE CONTAINERS AND LIGHTBULBS!!! [NFC: You’ve said “Bro” like 30 times. I’m now at a point where as I’m reading this review I hear it in DDP’s voice. I’m just waiting for you to sell me on some yoga.]
Miller acts like a little bitch.. maybe you shouldn’t be bringing your bitch out when you’re fighting dangerous guys, and let her kick people in the face, in the balls, and slap big, muscly guys who have a temper in the face. Dumb fuck. [NFC: The last thing I’d consider a guy in overalls and a top hat that’s covered in air-brushings of their face & name is “dangerous”.]
4th Match: Rick Steiner vs Lash Leroux
Rick just throws Lash around like a doll… reminds me of my two trips to jail! Rick with a pretty sick German, and Rick isn’t pinning Lash… so either this is going to be an extended job, or Lash is going to look good and comeback… Lash tries to come back with a kick, but Rick cuts him off with a clothesline. Rick with a Steiner Driver… God, this is awful. Why do I have to sit through so much fucking Steiner in this show??? I WANT LESS STEINER, NOT MORE GODDAMN IT!!!! Rick hits Lash with three of his finishers and pins him. Well that was really, really lame. It’s always cool when the new talent jobs to guys who haven’t been over since the early 90s. [NFC: Sounds to me like someone wants more of the Steiners!]
5th Match: Lance Storm vs Hugh Morrus
Watching this show reminds me perfectly why I didn’t review these shows for so damn long. Storm gets to carry AND job to Hugh Morrus… AGAIN!!! Take pity on Storm dammit!!!
Morrus no sells everything for a bit, but fucks up when he goes for the moonsault. Storm gets him in the tree of woe, and then goes for a suplex, but Morrus reverses. Morrus’ knee is injured which I’m sure will become important later. Storm’s pretty great here, as he’s beating the shit out of Morrus, he stops, and yells HIT ME HERE (pointing at his chin) so Morrus goes to punch him, and Storm blocks it, and punches Morrus in the face. They take it outside, and Morrus starts to comeback with clotheslines. Morrus comes back inside, but is still selling the knee. Morrus with a bodydrop, and a Morrus Splash into the corner. He goes for a second one, but Storm dodges it, hits the super kick and goes into the Maple Leaf…. But Morrus is WAYYY too close to the ropes and gets the break. Morrus catches Storm with a powerslam, and hits his moonsault for the win.
3.5/5.0 Surprisingly a really good match, probably the best one they’ve had. Morrus looked a lot less pressured, and wasn’t trying to do high flying shit… Storm got to carry most of the match and look pretty good, and it led to a pretty good match.
Jeff Jarrett comes out to Dusty Rhodes’ theme song, and wears Dusty Rhodes shit. Jeff is wearing like xxl clothing, and it looks pretty funny. He then starts eating some fried chicken in the middle of the ring. You can tell Jarrett was a Rhodes fan growing up as he pretty much nails Dusty in his imitation. The back of Jarrett’s shirt says, “If You Weeeeel.” This promo of course, ends with Jeff Jarrett bragging about himself as Dusty Rhodes. Jeff then beats up some jobbers as Dusty Rhodes, and does the most hilarious, over exaggerated elbows and slaps I’ve ever seen… and the jobbers completely over sell it. I mean, its decently funny, but it’s not holding my sides and dying laughing, like the NWO being The Horsemen, or DX being the Nation. [NFC: Oh God, if I see that that Nation promo one more time, I’m gonna eat a bullet. The nWo one still holds up, but for some reason I find that Nation one doesn’t so much]
Dustin Rhodes comes to attack Jeff, but Rick Steiner comes out because we haven’t had enough of fucking Steiner(S) on this show. Jeff takes Dustin out with his guitar and we still have another ten minutes to go on this show. [NFC: MORE STEINERS! MORE STEINERS!]
Main Event Midcard Rematch: Kanyon vs DDP
Poor Page… here he’s in the main event picture for the world title… and just a couple months later he’d be stalking the Undertaker’s wife, and jobbing to Christan. Jesus…
Page throws Kanyon to the outside, and hits him with a plancha. Kanyon reverses a whip, and sends Page into the crowd. Page kicks Kanyon’s ass, and throws him back over the rail. Inside the ring, and Page hits a sidewalk slam for two. Page goes for the Cutter BUT HE AIN’T MILLERS HO so he squirms out of it. Page goes for the ten punch, but Kanyon pancakes him in the corner. Kanyon with a bulldog off the top rope that looked… well weird. Kanyon works over Page’s ribs with some kicks. Page tries to come back but eats a boot from Kanyon, and Kanyon hits a fameasser off the top rope. Kanyon goes into the chinlock so Page doesn’t get gassed during his comeback…
Page comes back with bucket of punches (YEAH!!!!) and rams Kanyon into the corner, and hits him with a backdrop suplex… Page goes for the cutter, so Kanyon hits Page with a lowblow and ALMOST ends the match with his own cutter. Kanyon pulls out a chair, but Charles Robinson isn’t letting him get away with that shit. While Robinson is busy Kanyon hits Page with Page’s own book…. And there’s a fucking brick in the book, but Page STILL kicks out at two. Page jumps back up and hits the cutter because they’re running out of air time. Steiner comes out with Luger, and Animal… so Page runs through the crowd, and Steiner ends the show yelling.
3.0/5.0 Decent main event, but nothing that great or exciting. Pretty basic story, though Page is a pretty good story teller, and his selling and pacing is spot on.
Final Thoughts: Nitro’s still pretty much descending into Hell, but since creative doesn’t really have a direction at this point you sometimes will just get really good matches that you weren’t expecting… which is pretty much all this Nitro was. A very tiring Nitro, but it was worth reviewing for the three good matches on the show… however I’m not sure if I was watching this in 2001, if I would stick around just for a couple good matches when everything else is so bad…[NFC: Yeah, nobody was sticking around. Especially when over at the WWE you had guys like Kurt & The Rock tying up, Austin & Triple H having the 3 Stages of Hell match, and then Austin & The Rock in a feud that was leading up to WM17.] (guys you like stuck in midcard Hell, people you like jobbing, and the general pushing of people who are already over exposed, or just awful to watch)