That header is no joke. Out of a 2 hour show, actual run time of 90 minutes worth of programing, 25 of those are dedicated to wrestling. Russo was definitely right, wrestling fans don’t want wrestling. Bring on the midgets & the titties!
Live from The United Center in Chicago, Illinois
Our hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mark Hudson, and Mark Madden
Early in the day, as Sting was arriving to the arena he was jumped by Scotty Steiner. They were quickly pulled apart.
Lex Luger comes out with a short hair cut, and dresses down Mark Madden for being fat. A brilliant heel tactic, never done before. He hits the ring and stumbles through a promo about what, I’m not sure. What I do know is that he challenges Goldberg. He then invites one of the magazine editors into the ring to ask him why he isn’t featured in the recent issue of WCW magazine. He doesn’t have much of an answer, so of course he gets the Rack. Luger, satisfied with his actions, leaves the ring while the magazine guy does a stretcher job, oxygen mask, neck-brace and all.
Backstage, Pamela interviews Nash and the NBT. He says the absence of Stasiak is an improvement, and that he wants a shot at Booker’s title tonight. Stasiak shows up and apologizes for what he’s said & done, and to prove it he’ll be in Nash’s corner tonight for his match. Fuck, are you serious Russo? Did you really expect ANYONE to think he’s not gonna interfere and attack Nash?
Lance Storm vs Kwee-Wee
I dig Kwee. He’s an interesting gimmick, and the dude can wrestle. Since both guys are capable of seriously delivering, they get 2 minutes. It’s a damn good two minutes that’s filled with a lot of great, innovative, hard-hitting maneuvers that both men deliver. If they could have had 10-15 minutes, we would have had a serious deal on our hands. Kwee taps to the Maple Leaf, but Storm refuses to let go. Thus it brings out Meng to help out.
Lance gets the submission win with the Maple Leaf at 2:17 | **
Backstage we get an interview with Goldberg who’s wearing a “Caution: Does Not Play Well With Others” shirt. Really? Was your “No Fear: 2nd Place Is The First Loser” t-shirt at home? He gets jumped by Bammer.
Shawn Stasiak vs Reno © – Hardcore Championship
Reno’s music hits, but he doesn’t show up. We cut backstage to see Kronik walking away from a scene that has Reno laid out in a pile of table. Thus, Stasiak wins by forfeit.
Flair comes out for an interview and gives us a run down of the Mayhem card. General Boner, whose name is bleeped, vs Storm for the US Title. Luger vs Goldberg, and for the WHC it’s Steiner vs Booker T in a cage. He then tells Steiner his actions as of late will not be tolerated. Scotty comes down and gets in Flair’s face, but then Booker comes out to deliver a boot. Security comes down to part the two. Ric says that because of what Steiner just did, he’s now gonna have a straight jacket suspended above the ring. If you get it, you can put your opponent in it and beat the hell out of them. Ugh. C’mon now, Flair would never do anything that stupid to a match.
We get a segment with Jimmy Hart talking crap about Mancow, a DJ in Chicago. Mancow shows up, and gets his ass kicked by 3 Count. If there’s one thing people around the country care about, it’s a regional radio DJ. At least Hart is awesome.
3 Count vs Yung Dragons vs Jindrak & O’Haire © – WCW Tag-Team Championship
Evan is no longer with the group, they’re still 3 Count though. Pretty sweet move in the beginning that sees Yang trying to pin O’Haire with a backslide, and while he’s being pinned, Helms comes off the rope with a leg-drop on him. A lot of great stuff follows, but because they’re all talented and putting on a great match, they get a massive total of 4 minutes. Evan shows up to break up a count, and just then O’Haire hits a Swanton and rolls Jindrak on top of Yang, getting them the 3 count. Afterward, Evan gets his ass kicked by the Dragons & 3 count, when Jamie Nobel shows up to make the save with a chair. Apparently he was unmasked on Thunder and kicked out of the Dragons. Makes sense.
Jindrak pins Yang after a Swanton from O’Haire at 4:00 | **
DDP comes out, which is a big deal since he’s been out for almost 6 months. Of course, WCW fucked up his return by showing him with a few other wrestlers on the stage of some show called Battle Bowl about a half & hour ago. Basically, DDP is back and he’s happy about it. Front row happen to be a few members of the Battle Bowl show. They do a bit of brawling after which Buff calls them Battle Dome Queers. One of the Battle Dome guys is Mike O’Hearn, who’s a pretty well known body-builder, and was married to Midajah at the time. Man, could you imagine your wife having to play the girl who bangs Scott Steiner? Fucking bummer.
Double J & Steiner vs Buff & Sting
I have no idea why this match is happening, nor was it mentioned at any time before this. It’s standard stuff. Buff nails Steiner with the Blockbuster, but Double J runs in to clock him with the guitar before being chased out by Sting. Scotty then puts Buff in the recliner, and since he’s out, the ref calls for it while Sting & Double J battle to the back.
Buff is out while in the Recliner at 6:10 | *1/2
Alex Wright vs General Boner © – WCW United States Championship
A pretty decent match between the two. Wright’s a hardworker, and Boner is underrated. I’m actually looking forward to their match at Mayhem, and hope against hope that Russo just leaves them be and allow them to do their own fucking match. Boner hits the No Laughing Matter to retain the title after some decent back & forth. I will admit I’m tempted to take a bit away from the rating for Disco’s hat. It looks he was doing a bit of cosplay as one of the nWo Hotties or something.
Boner hits the NLM for the pin at 5:06 | **
We get a vignette from Hacksaw where he tells us what’s wrong with America: us.
Bam Bam vs Goldberg
Bammer works over Goldberg for 95% of the match before Bill hits him with the spear & the Jackhammer. Alright, 15-0! Only 161 more matches like this to go!
Goldberg wins the way he always does at 2:42 | *
Kevin Nash vs Booker T © – WCW Heavyweight Championship
They trade punches in the beginning before heading outside for some brawling & chair shots. Once they’re back in, Booker hits both Nash & the ref with a kick. He attempts to hit Kev with the BookEnd, but Stasiak shows up and clubs him with knux. He then tells Nash to powerbomb him and go for the pin, why, he is with Nash! They are friends! This isn’t a s—-SWERVE! Oh my goodness, he nailed Nash too! Man, the only people who saw that coming were those with a functioning brain, so, pretty much everyone on the planet except for the guy who wrote it. There isn’t much to this match, but what we do get is decent, as Booker always puts forth an effort, and the huge swerve really helped out too.
Booker pins Nash after he gets laid out by Stasiak at 4:57 | **
Honestly, there isn’t much to complain about. All of the matches were decent, and the angles moved along at a leisurely pace, instead of 20 things happening every 15 minutes. Of course, there were still things like the ridiculous Stasiak ordeal, a member of a new tag-team you’re trying to get over getting beat, and your WHC survives only because of luck, instead of looking dominant for the match that’s coming up soon against the company’s biggest heel. However, there was no Russo, so how can I really complain?