For those that may have missed it, I do Nitro reviews from the beginning over at Renegade Cinema. I decided to do the PPVs because hey, who loves their fans more than the Caliber man? I submit no one. Here’s the link for the latest Nitro, which is also the go home show for Havoc.
We get a recap of DDP & Johnny’s feud, as it appears he cost him his shot at Sting by flattening 4 of his tires, thus making him late for his match. How very evil. Did he also order pizzas to his house?
DDP [C] vs Johnny B Badd – WCW TV Championship
Johnny pulls the ol’ stunt-double comes out pretending to be me, while I come from behind tactic. Always a favorite. The momentum is Johnny’s at the start, at one point putting DDP’s head in a steel bucket and throwing him head-first into the ring-post. A snake-eyes into the turnbuckle turns DDP’s fortunes around, but they kill the pace of a match with a very extended sleeper-spot. At one point while having Badd in the sleeper, DDP lays down. So, in a sport that’s basis is action, they’re both literally laying down in the ring. I’m watching two guys just lay down. This…this is no good. Things pick up a bit afterward, but Badd is sluggish & botching for the remainder. It ends when Maxx Muscle accidentally hits DDP with a weak clothesline. These guys are capable of having great matches, they’ve had’em together, but not tonight. It was slow, sluggish, with Badd being very off this evening.
Badd pins DDP after Maxx hits him with a clothesline at 17:01 | *
The Zodiac vs Macho Man Randy Savage
Bet you guys didn’t know that The Zodiac is from the Land of Ying & Yang. Bet you didn’t even know such a place existed. Remember, in life, it’s all about who you know. A fan jumps into the ring, and I believe his target is The Zodiac, yet he never gets to him. Machos is literally wrestling around the guy, very impressive. The crowd is very much cheering for the fan battling security, to which Bobby says “Listen to this ovation for Randy Savage!”, indeed. Also, by the time I typed that sentence, Macho had won. Zodiac literally didn’t get one piece of offense in. And baby, that’s alright with me.
Macho wins with the elbow at 1:29 | *1/2
Mean Gene interviews Johnny B Badd and tells him in celebration he’s going to sing Tootie Frootie at karaoke that night.
We get a look back at The Clash of the Champions where Kurasawa broke Hawk’s home.
Kurasawa w/ Col. Rob Parker vs Road Warrior Hawk
Hawk grabs the momentum first with shoulder blocks, neckbreakers, and clotheslines. Kurasawa, who the last time we saw wrestle, did ONE wrestling move. In this match, he does two before Col. Parker holds his legs which are on the ropes as he pins Hawk. I want to give them 5 stars for having the foresight to make sure this thing didn’t go longer than a few minutes. Given Hawk did a bunch of solid looking offense, and Kurasawa only upped his move base by one, then this is nothing to complain about.
Kurasawa pins Hawk with his feet on the ropes at 3:15 | **
Mr. JL vs Sabu w/ The Sheik
These two immediately begin tearing it up with moonsaults, 2nd rope German suplexes, and top rope sunset flips. Unfortunately, as exciting as they make the match, they’re only given a few minutes. Really it’s no longer than their Nitro match. Well, I should be thankful, because if they got longer than there may be less time for the Monster Truck Fight. Also, the camera man completely misses The Sheik throwing a fireball, good job. Sabu pins JL after he gets a fireball in the eyes and Sabu hits him with that sit-on-the-top-rope-and-flip-backwards deal. A damn shame they just weren’t given more time.
Sabu pins JL after a top-rope flip at 3:25 | **
We head to the Dungeon of Doom to speak with King Curtis & Taskmaster. Sullivan is literally standing less than a foot away from Curtis, who is SCREAMING as loud as possible when talking to him. I don’t care what they were paying me, I would have snapped and said “Look MOTHERFUCKER! Quit yelling at me! I’m right here! You speak above a 12 inch voice ONCE more, I mean ONCE more, and I’m gonna punch you your goddamn nostril!”
Lex Luger vs Meng
Luger attacks right away, keeping things on his side for the moment, before Meng does the Meng thing where he’s hard-headed. Luger is at his mercy for quite awhile until a 3 clothesline comeback leading into the Rack. However, Meng pulls out a piece of jewelry, puts it on his thumb, and jabs it into Luger’s throat. Which, far and away, the “thumb to the neck” is the absolute dumbest finisher in history. As he goes for the pin, Taskmaster comes in and kicks Luger, drawing the DQ. Apparently he wants to see The Total Package take on Macho. This match is exactly what you expect, but should have been a lot shorter.
Meng catches a DQ when Taskmaster kicks Luger at 13:14 | 1/2*
Brian Pillman & Arn Anderson vs Ric Flair & Sting
We heard at the beginning of the broadcast that Flair had been attacked earlier and is out of commission. Sting of course became Flair’s partner after begging him while standing with a large group of little Stingers. We all know Flair is gonna screw Sting, Sting knows it, and tells him if he does it, he’ll have hell to pay. It’s really an awesome bit. Sting is able to hold his own for a while, including launching Pillman from the top rope onto the guardrail. However, despite the moments of the momentum being on his side, the Horsemen are too much. Finally, Flair arrives and desperately wants the tag, similarly, Sting wants to tag-out and gets close numerous times, only to be held back at the last moment. Sting, while in a submission, is screaming “Nature Boy!”, to which Flair responds with “Stand tall!”. It’s awesome, because you know the second he gets the tag, he’s gonna slug Sting. Finally, it happens. The crowd goes wild, and then Flair nails him with a right hand, and the crowd goes even crazier. It’s awesome. Perfect Flair. The wrestling was great as in some cases, but this was all about the story, which was awesome, and damn entertaining
The ref ends the match at 17:09 | ****
Mean Gene interviews the gang afterward, and Flair is happy as all get out about the Horsemen reunion.
Monster Truck Sumo Match
I can’t believe I had to type that match title. I’m really curious how this was discussed backstage. I assume because Hogan was upset he had to lose the strap after only having it for 15 months straight, said that if he has to lose a match tonight, then he gets to beat the Giant in a monster truck, AND throw him off a building. Fair exchange, I’d say. This is so fucking boring. Hogan wins, and the Giant is super-pissed, so he fights Hogan to the edge of the building where he falls off. Hogan then runs for help, which makes sense, since this guy had tried to kill you multiple times before. Haha, the great moment is that they have the guy who built the trucks on commentary, and in the blandest voice ever, he simply looks at Bischoff and says “wasn’t suppose to happen?”. Clearly if Hogan is going to lose, he’s only going to lose to a man who can fall of a building and survive.
Lex Luger vs Macho Man Randy Savage
Sexy Flexy Lexy wants to start off with a shake, but Mach’ feels a boot to the gut is a better fit. Soon after, he and Luger trade momentum, with neither being able to hold it for long. Jimmy Hart comes out for whatever reason, and begins talking to the ref. This results in Luger accidentally running into him, and falling backwards, allowing Mach’ to hit the elbow and get the pin. That’s it? Really? This has been going on since Fall Brawl, and I was half expecting something decent. I assume because Macho’s arm is wrapped from wrist to shoulder that he’s got himself quite an injury, hence why his total wrestling time tonight is less than 7 minutes.
Savage pins Luger with the elbow at 5:23 | *
Ever since The Giant fell off the roof, Bobby will not shut the fuck up about it. For the first time in HISTORY, I wish Bobby would shut the hell up. I’m serious, it’s grating as fuck.
Hulk Hogan [C] vs The Giant – WCW World Heavyweight Championship
Buffer calls The Giant’s manager ‘The Task Masker’. I like it. This of course should be noted that this is the first time The Giant has ever wrestled. Hogan takes off the bandana and has similar panting on his forehead to that of Task Masker, making this whole thing even lamer than it is. The Giant pummels Hogan the entire match, with Hulkster doing the same comeback spot a few times where he punches The Giant in order to make him topple, but to no avail. This is atrocious, easily one of the worst main events in history. However, as I typed that, they attempted to prove me wrong with a bear-hug spot that lasted for 4 days. Hogan eventually Hulks up and bodyslams The Giant, which the crowd pops big for, goes for the Leg Drop, but as he goes for the pin Jimmy Hart knocks out the ref. At this point…I mean, it’s almost indescribable. So, The Giant puts Hogan in the bearhug, which then brings out The Yeti, which Tony keeps calling “The YE-TAY”.
The amazing thing is that adults wrote that very thing on paper, read it, and said “Yes! Yes! Put that on our multi-million dollar PPVs that are hosted with our multi-billion dollar company! It’s going to be so great to see a 7ft mummy grab Hogan and shake! I’ve already bought 3 houses because of the inevitable success!”. Luger & Macho come out, but then Luger turns on Hulk & Mach’ and racks them both. The Giant grabs the title, and the gang heads on out. Buffer announces that The Giant won via DQ.
Giant wins via DQ at 14:30 | DUD But the last 3 minutes or so when all hell breaks loose is 5 stars
Honestly, as far as a major wrestling company goes, everything involving Hogan & The Giant tonight had to be the dumbest ordeal of all time. I truly don’t think there’s anything out there that could top the level of sheer idiocy that it took to conceive this whole deal. The monster trucks, falling off of a building and living, the 7ft mummy who shakes. Grown fucking men came up with this and thought it was a sure fire way to draw money. I simply cannot get over that. Either way though, it’s historic, and something that every wrestling fan needs to see. As for the rest of the PPV, well, it’s one of the worst I’ve ever seen. A ton of TV style matches that meant nothing, with only one decent bout to speak of. Do yourself a favor and check out Flair asking Sting to join him from WCW Saturday Night, and the debut of the Yeti on youtube, that’s all you need.