They talk about Booker T’s win over Jeff at Bash at the Beach. I saw the match because Caliber said it was good, and it was a pretty good match but at the same time the match was pretty basic. It was just heel working over face most of the match, which is fine but it shows how sad WCW’s gotten because if WCW was having good matches all the time it could’ve easily done a better match than Jeff/Booker. Something else John mentioned was the fact that Bash at the Beach showed that WCW didn’t have to die, and that it actually did have a lot of promise; and that’s absolutely true. If WCW would push people the crowd liked and would stop with the real/fake bullshit it could’ve gotten a good following. If you look at the ratings Nitro was still doing better in 2000-01 than Raw is now. Anyway, onto the show.
Booker comes out and says that he’s speaking from the heart, and thanks his Momma, and the fans. Booker pretty much just goes on about how he loves the crowd and blah blah. The thing that strikes me about this promo is Booker T’s purple suit. Booker than tells Goldberg he’s a mark and that the fans made him. Anyone hear about that new Goldberg DVD coming out? Goddamn, that’s going to be awful. Caliber will probably have to review it too, sucker. [Note From Caliber: Go to hell] Booker brings out his Wife who’s in the crowd, and kisses her. Stevie Ray comes out and tells Booker to listen. Please God Booker, don’t make us listen to him. Stevie talks about how they lived together and slept in the same bed together (heh heh). He says he remembers when Booker used to borrow his clothes because Booker didn’t have any that were, “funky and fresh enough.” I guess they were kids during the 70s. Ray says he loves him and they hug it out… but oh shit, the police sirens go off. Madaja, Scott Steiner’s… valet (hooker?) comes out and cuts the worst promo ever. She takes like five second pauses between each word, I mean you can tell that she’s just trying to remember the script. I wonder if she has it written on her hand. Anyway, everyone in the ring is distracted by this women’s shittiness which somehow allows Scott Steiner to sneak up behind them and take out Booker, and Ray with a kendo stick.
There’s this chick with HUGE knockers interviewing Jeff Jarrett. Jeff says Slap Nuts and says he wants his rematch tonight. You can really see that chicks nipples. Scott Steiner attacks Jeff in the middle of the interview. I’m guessing that was a shoot and Scott was having another one of his tantrums.
Shane Douglas comes out with The Five Dollar Tramp (Torrie Wilson). Shane Douglas brags about how he has the Five Dollar Tramp and The Tramp says Billy Gunn has a small penis.
1st Match: Shane Douglas w/ The Five Dollar Tramp vs Crowbar w/ Daffney
Crowbar and Shane do a nice pinfall reversal sequence to start off the match. Crowbar sends Shane to the outside and hits him with a crossbody. Torrie gets in Crowbar’s way allowing Shane to get the upper hand. Back in the ring and Shane hits a necksnap followed by rolling suplexes but Crowbar reverses with a nice Northern Lights Suplex. I would bang Daffney. Crowbar throws Shane outside where Torrie was but she moves. Crowbar sets Shane up on the guardrail but Shane fights back. Catfight which Shane tries to break up but Daffney slaps Shane. Back in and Crowbar hits a Lionsault for two. Backdrop suplex is reversed into a Russian Legbreaker for two. Shane hits “The Franchiser” which is basically dropping the dude’s neck on your arm for the win. After the match Bagwell comes out and cleans house on Shane.
2.5./5.0 Very solid match but was too damn rushed to really get a good story getting.
Billy Kidman’s doing an interview and says that a tramp like Torrie is a dime a dozen. That’s what I’m saying. Jeff Jarrett attacks Kidman during the interview and they brawl.
Three Count and Tank Abbot get out of a limo dressed to the tee with a platinum record. Ernest Miller, who I guess is the General Manager sets up Billy Kidman vs Jeff Jarrett. If its not a squash it could be pretty good.
Three Count with Tank come out to the ring . Tank tells them they’re the greatest band in rock n’ roll history. Eh’ at least they don’t bore me like Pink Floyd and they’re better than this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGyOaCXr8Lw
The Dragons come out and attack Three Count. Tank Abbot saves them though and starts taking out the Dragons but then The Great Fucking Muta comes out of absolutely nowhere and sprays green mist onto Tank’s face, and the Dragon’s take the album. Well that was…. random.
Kanyon imitates Page wearing a wig and a Page shirt, and says bro like seven times, and says Page is going to feel the bang.
Goldberg is walking to the arena, he is very buff.
2nd Match: Jeff Jarrett vs Billy Kidman
You have to give props to Jarrett, one night after being in the main event of a big show he’s doing the second match on Nitro. I can’t imagine Trips doing that.
Jeff starts off with kicks and punches but Kidman comes back with a rana. Kidman jumps over Jeff and they do this really cool hiptoss spot were Jarrett hiptossess Kidman to the outside! That was fucking cool! Jarrett press slams Kidman onto the guardrail. He rams Kidman into the steps. Jarrett throws Kidman back in and jaws with the fans. Whip but Kidman dodges a clothesline and hits two dropkicks. Jarrett goes for a slam which Kidman reverses into a roll up! Kidman goes up top and hits a crossbody which Jeff rolls into a pinfall for two. Kidman hits a kind of chokeslam spinebuster for two. Kidman clotheslines Jarrett to the outside. And just when this match is about to go to another level, The Five Buck Tramp comes out. Kidman goes outside and Torrie tries to slap him, he blocks but ends up getting lowblowed by Torrie and Shane Douglas runs out and hits him with a DDT on the outside. Shane throws Billy in and Jeff gets two. Jeff goes for a powerbomb but you can’t powerbomb Kidman. Jeff whips Kidman but Kidman catches him in the corner and goes for a bulldog but Jeff reverses into a The Stroke for the win.
3.5/5.0 Holy shit that was good! That match made both guys look great! Jeff looked like an intimidating guy and Billy shows that not only can he hang with him but he could possibly beat him without interference too! Great storytelling! This is some good shit right here.
Ernest stripped Scott Steiner of the US Title last night and tries giving it to Mike Awesome but Mike says he wants to earn it. Mike goes back to hitting on a fat chick. Scott Steiner takes out Kanyon backstage.
3rd Match: Mike Awesome vs Booker T (C) for the World Heavyweight Championship
This is like the best fucking 2000 Nitro ever so far. The problem though is that what are we going to do after this? It seems like we used all the big dudes minus Goldberg and Nash. The problem is that we’ve still got an hour left to go. Really though, considering that we’ve been forty minutes in, this show has been so fast paced I haven’t even noticed it. Really good Nitro so far.
Booker gets a headlock but breaks on the ropes. Mike does the cheap punches and wears Booker down. Whip by Awesome and a shoulderblock. Booker with a leapfrog into a sidekick. Mike does some cool selling as he slides to the outside of the ring and holds his nose. Little break from the action as Mike rests on the outside. Back in and a lock up. Booker into a hammerlock but eats an elbow. Booker hits a nice kick to come back and does the ten punches in the corner. Awesome runs into a corner but sends Booker flying with another shoulderblock. Sick clothesline for two. The thing that’s bothering me about this match is after the other two which were so fast paced they were hard to do play by play for, this one is a lot slower paced. Its not slow but it doesn’t hold up to the other matches pace wise.
Awesome takes Booker to the outside and works him over with a chair. Back in and a splash for two. Mike takes time to brag, but Booker’s too fucked up from the chairshots to come back. Mike slams Booker on his back and goes up to the top, and hits a frogspalsh for two! Awesome sets up a table on the outside. Back in with a clothesline. He sets Booker up for a Razor’s Edge but Booker fights out and sets Awesome on the apron, and then elbows him into the table! Awesome gets back in the ring but Booker knees him and hits him with the Scissors Kick, followed by a kick but runs into a boot in the corner. Mike runs into a spinebuster for two. I feel this match is become kind of overblown at this point. To continue my point Awesome kicks out of a missile drop kick but Booker finally pins him after a Book End. Right after the match Scott attacks Booker and puts him the Steiner Recliner. Awesome saves Booker though because he’s, dare I say, Awesome.
3.0/5.0 Decent match but it got kind of overblown at the end and Awesome brought down the pace of this match big time. I feel that this match might’ve gotten a higher grade if I hadn’t just watched two ridiculously fast paced matches before this. Still a stellar show so far.
Ernest Miller is in the ring and is pissed at Steiner, and calls him down. Steiner comes down to the ring with his hooker. You know, even though the chick was horrible at doing promos she might still be better than Scotty. Ernest calls Scott Steiner a “stupid bitch.” I’m kind of in shock. Ernest tries fighting Scott but Scott chokes him out. Booker comes down to the ring and attacks Scott but then fucking Kaynon comes out and attacks Booker only for Jarrett to come out and they take out Scott and try to team up on Booker but he cleans house taking out Jarrett and Kaynon. Fuck, that was a pain in the ass to type up. And I never rewind gentleman and ladies, which I believe makes me better than certain writers who reviews are way too long. Ernest Miller comes back in the ring and says something about a #1 contenders match, and the only way to get the title shot is to kill each other. Goldberg comes out and wants a piece of someone’s ass. Fatal Four Way in the main event for the #1 contenders shot. If you can’t figure out who’s in it you may be retarded.
Talking about retards, we see Norman Smiley trying to buff up Ralphus. Ralphus can’t do a push up and passess out. Well he’s not worse than a lot of dudes in my weightlifting class. They walk out to the ring and Norman says that Ralphus did a push up so they’re ready damn it! Smiley calls out Vito who is the hardcore champion.
4th Match: Norman Smiley and Ralphus vs Vito
Vito comes down to the ring and just beats the shit out of poor Norman. Now this is bad writing, Norman’s supposed to be a cartoonish fun dude, and here he is in a hardcore match. It would be like watching Spongebob get attacked and then come back by pulling out fire extinguishers and using spiked baseball bats.
Anywho, they fight around the stage and for some reason Ralphus is hiding under a table inside the ring. Ralhpus is really quite disgustingly fat, I wonder if they’re going to cast him to fight Arnold in Commando 2 [NFC: I’m not gonna shoot you between the eyes, John. I’m gonna shoot you between the BALLS!]. Vito dispatches of Norman outside the ring and then beats the shit out of Ralphus with a crutch. Then he grabs a traffic cone and puts it on his balls, and then hits the cone with a baseball bat. Again, Ralphus is supposed to be a fun cartoon character so its not fun to see him getting beat up. It would be like if Goofy just started pummeling the shit out of Mickey Mouse. Anyway Norman hits Vito from behind and Vito falls onto Ralphus for the win.
DUD Bad storytelling and a garbage match.
The Jung Dragons attack Ernest miller and they do a badass kung fu movie shit were he takes on all guys with cheesy super awesome kung fu chops. Meanwhile, a gay dude (I mean that in the literal sense as he’s wearing a pink outfit and does that snappy shit) tells Sharmell not to yell at him, and tells her she’s the King. She seems to be turned on by gay dudes. [NFC: Oh, man. Qiwi. He’s this odd, aggressive, stereotypical gay guy. It’s God-awful.]
Lenny Lane is holding up a sign that says “Use Me.”
Lance Storm comes out and says that he doesn’t sing, he doesn’t dance, he wrestles and he’s the best at it because he’s Canadian! He does the National Anthem. I think its a fact that all Canadians are great wrestlers.
5th Match: Lance Storm vs Prince Iaukea w/ Paisley
Iaukea’s song is pretty good actually. Lance hits some punches but and a jawjack. Whip by Lance which Iaukea tries to lay down but Lance does a cool thing I’ve never seen and instead of just jumping over the dude he hits him with a legdrop! Sharmell has big boobs that are wet for some reason, she’s also commentating. Lance gets a sunset flip but runs into a superkick. Also the WCW announcers have been talking about this all night, there’s some stupid assed movie coming on next Monday so Nitro’s going to be live Tuesday next week rather than Monday. Lance hits some punches but Iaukea hits an eyepoke into a snapmare, into a knee. Iaukea hits a release Northern Lights Suplex. The fans are echoing my thoughts on Iaukea with a boring chant. Lance hits his own Northern Lights suplex for two and hits a dropkick for two,. Superkick for two. Powerbomb for two. Lance goes to the outside and hits a missile dropkick for two. Iaukea comes back with an Angle slam for two. Lance does a cool assed roll into a half Boston Crab for the win.
2.0/5.0 Ikeau was being carried really badly here, his offense was super shitty and boring, good thing Lance got to go over here.
Rey and Juventud Gurrerra come out with Tygress who is pretty hot actually. Tony Schivaone asks Mark Madden if he actually thinks they’re better than Kronik. Is Beef Jerky better than Slim Jim’s? The Misfits come out and they come out with that one chick who’s decent. And Kronik. This is going to be quite annoying because I don’t know either of the dudes from the Misfit’s name and I am so not Googling it because I’m just going to get a bunch of info on the Punk Rock Band The Misfits. I guess Rey and Juvi are just on commentary. Haha, they’re so bad on commentary its comical, Juvi can barely speak English.
6th Match: The Misifts (I raped your Mother today) vs Kronic
Like two minutes into the match Sean O’Hare and Jindrak attack Rey and Juvi. General Rection and Cajuin or whatever do some double team stuff on Adams but Rection misses an elbow and Adams tags in Clarke who cleans house. Rock bottom Cajuin and works over Rection in the corner. Rection hits a pretty impressive side kick, I mean he’s a pretty big dude. Rection hits a pretty solid moonsault but Adam breaks it up. Rection takes out Adam and Cajuin comes in and hits Clarke with punches in bunches but runs into a SICK backbreaker. Adam comes back in and takes out Rection. SICK gutbuster by Adam to Cajuin for two! Double Rock Bottom by Kronic for two but Rection breaks it up. Kronic throws Rection out and Adams sets up Cajuin in a powerbomb thing and Clarke’s botches a clothesline from the top for the win.
3.0/5.0 I wasn’t looking forward to this match at all but it ended up being pretty damn good and Misfitis looked pretty good too. Sean O’Hare attack Kronic but The Misfits save them.
Tony tells a story about how Bigelow saved some kids from a fire and ended up suffering second degree burns! Shit, Bigelow’s a badass! He’s in the hospital but they hope he can recover and wrestle again soon.
Vampiro is yelling some stupid shit about how he wants Demon’s soul, and then Demon comes out of a casket. Vampiro tells Demon to beat up his fiancee. Its so fucking dark you literally can not see a thing that’s happening. Then the lights start flickering and Sting’s music comes on. A dude in a mask with a baseball bat dressed like Sting comes out. He beats up both guys with a baseball bat and hits Stinger Splashes. Scorpion Deathdrop. The light goes to him but he has a mask on and goggles on I guess because he had his face burned. That is the stupidest shit ever. Most fans didn’t see that angle therefore they have no idea why Sting’s dressing like a burglar and are confused as to if its actually Sting.
Main Event Fatal Four Way for the #1 Contender spot for the World Heavyweight Championship Tag in/Tag Out Rules: Jeff Jarrett vs Scott Steiner w/ A Hooker vs Kanyon vs Goldberg
How much drugs do you think Steiner did to get that big? Arnold looked way more natural. Okay, is Goldberg still a heel or not? The commentators are playing him up as a face and if you look at the four guys in the match the only one who could be considered face is Goldberg. So you have this big main event you’ve been building up the whole night and which sounds kinda decent, so its only given five fucking minutes? At least they didn’t let the main event take up all the importance and not give time to the other guys so that’s important but I still feel this match should’ve been given more time.
Anyway, Steiner beats the shit out of Kanyon and hits him overt the back with a chair. Boots him down and hits him with a belly to belly suplex. Steiner Recliner but Goldberg kicks Steiner in the head to break it up. Kanyon goes for a pin but Goldberg breaks it up. By the way, the ring has become really fucking smokey. It must be a pain in the ass to wrestle. I think its because of Goldberg’s promo but it might’ve been some weird shit that happened during the Vampiro/Sting segment, it was so dark no one would’ve seen a pyro so who knows though. I mean, imagine trying to wrestle in a fucking smoky ass ring were you can’t even breathe? Nice sign that says Slap Deez Nuts. Jarrett in and he runs into a neckbreaker from Kanyon. Kanyon goes for a cutter but Jeff gets out. Goldberg tags in and Kanyon hits Jeff with the Cutter. Goldberg hits the spear and Jackhammer. Steiner breaks it up, and they fight to the outside while Jeff steals a pin on Kanyon inside the ring. LAME! I want someone who’s not Jarrett to fucking wrestle Booker, preferably Goldberg. Actually, a Kidman/Booker match would be FUCKING AWESOME!
2.0/5.0 Really rushed and sloppy, and the crowd was chanting boring the whole time.
Final thoughts: Best episode of 2000 Nitro I’ve ever seen. Everything was watchable and you have a great match in Jeff Jarrett vs Kidman, good stuff and angles that make sense, and are entertaining. You had some decent stuff with Booker/Kanyon and a pretty good tag team match that showed me that The Misifts are actually pretty decent wrestlers, and a star studded main event. The only horrible thing on this show was the hardcore match and the Vampiro/Sting shit. Now, the main thing that jerks me at the end of the show is that Jarrett is wrestling Booker, again. Why would I want to see a match I just fucking saw? Its kind of scary because it shows that the company is scared to make real changes and see’s that they’re on to something so they want to draw it out as long as possible. This is the same reason so many people were rebelling against WWE in the late 2000s, every other match was John Cena vs Randy Orton. While the show was great it doesn’t really have me excited for the upcoming Pay Per View, however you do have to look at it from the bookers side too. They want to do the Goldberg/Steiner match which I’ve heard is surprisingly good but they could’ve done that without having fucking Jarrett wrestler Booker again. Take Kanyon out of the main and replace him with Kidman, have him win, and bam, new challenger and a completely different type of match. I don’t think that Jarrett is necessarily more marketable than Kidman either so I don’t see why they wouldn’t do this.
Perhaps I’m being too nitpicky, either way, it’s the best Nitro yet and it’s setting up future angles, and that Kidman/Jarrett match was really damn good.