We get a recap of Thunder, where Nash is terrorizing Russo. In all honesty, it looks funny. Meaning that we’ll get to see nothing of the sorts tonight. We see that David Flair is cheating on Daffney with Stacy. Honestly, I’d much rather have Daffney. That explosion sound you just heard was Sebastian’s head after reading that last sentence. Then we have Russo threatening Nash with Scott Hall’s contract.
We start off with the ONE BILLIONTH episode of a wrestling program to begin with a limo pulling up. R&B security rushes up to it, as The Cat gets out and they tell him there is big trouble. We then see that Horace Hogan is waiting in the ring with a bat. He says he wants a shot at Goldberg because he hurt Hollywood, and where Horace comes from, you stand up for family. Except for 2 weeks ago when he was rolling with The New Blood.
Cat comes out, says no to Horace. Cat then lays down some rules. He says there will be no outside interference tonight, meaning that every match will have it. Nash comes out, and he is displeased. He forces The Cat to give Horace his match with Goldberg. Steiner speaks, saying he’s looking for ‘Eric BITCHoff’, but can’t find him. So he wants The Cat in the ring. The Cat says he looks too pretty to wrestle, he looks too good. Honestly, The Cat was awesome. Especially when he was rolling with Sonny Ono, people missed the boat on that. So, instead of getting his ass kicked, he gives Steiner a title shot against Jarrett. Nash wants the match with The Cat for Hall’s contract.
3 Count come out. They actually have a decent catchphrase in “Guys, eventually, all the ladies go down for the 3 Count”. Digging it.
3 Count vs Yung Dragons
Shannon Moore must have been so bummed at this point. He grew up with The Hardys, wrestling for the OMEGA promotion they created. At this point they were setting the world on fire, and he’s in a fake boy-band in WCW. As for the match, it’s just about impossible to really describe, there’s a ton going on, as you expect with these guys. In the year 2000, they were really the only great thing going on in WCW, and it shows here. Not a match worth seeking out, because of how short it is, but for me, it’s an incredible breath of fresh air.
Jamie-San takes a Triple-Team Face Plant, then eats the pin from Keragias at 3:54 | ***
As 3 Count celebrate, LANCE STORM flies into the ring and kicks their ass. Hell yeah. I was waiting for Lance to finally show up. It’s a hell of a debut. He leaps off the rope, missle drop-kicks Shane, superkicks Evan, delivers a jaw-breaker than drop-kick to Shannon, and finally does an over-the-top rope flip and lands on Shannon on Evan. Then he just leaves through the crowd. Great stuff.
Skip to the end to see Lance kicking some world class ass.
Elsewhere, David is looking for Daffney backstage, and then we see Goldberg enter the building.
Big Vito [C] vs Johnny The Bull – Hardcore Championship
Crazy how over hardcore wrestling was in 2000. It was seriously all people wanted and ushered in an era of God knows how many idiot kids doing idiotic things in their backyard. The Mamalukes quickly brawl to the back, as Vito controls the match. Really, I don’t even need to see a WCW hardcore match to tell you how it goes. The match starts in the asile as the first wrestler fights the second one as he comes out. They brawl to the back, one throws the other through a lot of stuff for a while, then the other gets his wind back, they do a big move, and it’s over. Literally as I wrote that last sentence, Big Vito gave The Bull a jumping DDT off a ledge through a table. Prolific I am.
Bull eats a jumping DDT through a table & pin at 4:13 | *1/4
Elsewhere, Chavo is walking backstage when he’s jumped by Rey Mysterio who’s wearing shiney over-alls. Then Prince shows up, which then brings out GI Bro. He gives a pep talk to the Misfits. Did you guys know that Van Hammer was originally Private Stash [ha ha, pot], but complained about only being a private? So now he’s Major Stash.
Kanyon comes out with a blond wig, and his book, Positively Kanyon. He issues a challenge, bringing out GI Bro who kicks the hell out of him, then rips off his camo pants. Does this make him Booker T again? I know he’s Booker T at Bash at the Beach, so it has to happen at some point.
Else where, David is still looking for Daffney. He finds her. She slaps him.
Horace Hogan vs Goldberg
Goldberg comes out doing his fireworks & pyro, and people cheer him like crazy. Last week he did none of this, and I thought perhaps WCW was actually thinking. I see that being smart about Goldberg going heel is one streak they didn’t want to keep. Horace gets a big boot on Goldberg, and that’s about where it ends. He tears Horace apart, then throws him outside where he decks a ring post when Horace ducks to avoid a punch. He then grabs a chair and pummels Bill, throwing him back in the ring and eating a spear for his trouble. The crowd erupts. God, just turn him face again you morons. You know what happens next.
Horace eats the Jackhammer at 2:37 | *
The Cat vs Kevin Nash – For Scott Hall’s contract
The Cat brings with him a metal briefcase and has it handcuffed to Mark Madden for safe keeping. Honestly, the Cat is a miracle worker, because he’s making this match extremely entertaining. He keeps trying to find microphones inbetween beatings from Nash so he can wave the ‘no outside interference’ clause for the night. I aways knew the Cat was greatness, and not even WCW 2000 could stop him. The match doesn’t last long, as after a bit of offense from the Cat, it’s all over.
Nash delivers a Jackknife and pins the cat at 2:36 | **
Nash goes to open the briefcase, however, there’s no contract. It’s just Cat photos. We then see Goldberg up on the screen, as he has the contract. He then eats it. He seriously eats it. OK, so it’s gone now, right? Because Nash was very worried about THAT contract, and Goldberg just ate it. At Bash it’ll be Goldberg vs Nash for Hall’s contract, despite the fact Goldberg just ate the fucking thing.
Else where, Tenay talks to Steiner who says that Jarrett isn’t the chosen one, because Steiner has The Genetic Freak. That’s like me saying I’ve got The Caliber Winfield.
Mysterio vs Rey vs Chavo – Crusierweight Championship
Seriously, two of the absolute worst factions in fucking history are the Filthy Animals & MIA. Tygress looks like a transsexual who paid Mark Madden to do the surgery. The match is pretty much over before anything too interesting can happen. Just picture two minutes of crusierweight wrestling, and there you go.
Chavo hits the Tornado DDT on Prince for the pin at 2:22 | *
David Flair begs to have Daffney back, at which point she accepts. David then gets her in a car and sends her off, but she comes back for the flowers David gave her. She ends up seeing him making out with Stacy. So, why did he ask for her back if he’s going to immediately cheat on her?
The Perfect Event vs Tank Abbot & Shawn Stasiak
The match starts off, but Tank promptly has a problem with a fan who has a ‘3 Count Sux’ sign. He chases him off, leaving Rick alone. They beat the hell out of Steiner, eventually hitting him with the Lex Flexer and a double Flap Jack.
Steiner eats a Double Flap Jack & pin at 4:40 | *
Else where, Dale Torborg asks Asya [because it’s bigger than Chyna] to please get rid of his Demon costume. He doesn’t want his alter ego around anymore.
Vampiro comes out, and he’s super-pissed about Demon no longer being around. So, he wants to speak to the two people who know him best, Dale Torborg and his fiance Asya. They come out. He says Demon is gone. Lights go out, Asya disappears. Lights come on, they go out, Vampiro disappears. Now he’s on the screen and in a herase apparently, driving off. Where Asya has gone to, not sure. Dale is upset at these events and runs to the back.
The Triple Threat comes out. Franchise says what he always does, and thankfully Buff Daddy soon follows. Life is just better with Buff around. Kronic is there to back him up. Honestly, Kronic look so absolutely homosexual. That isnt a bad thing at all, except for when you’re trying to look tough, and boy are they trying. Boy do they fail. They look like they belong in a movie where if you take one pill, everything remains the same, but if you take another pill, you realize the World you knew is fake, and the real REAL World is a place where guys just have sex with each other, and it’s called The Gaytrix.
Triple Threat vs Buff Kronic
Wow, Buff & Kronic together, that’s so much synthetic testosterone in one place. You could probably fail a PED test from just hanging out with them. Clark & Franchise start off, and Shane basically gets his ass kicked before tagging in Bam Bam. Now it’s Bigelow & Buff in the ring, as Bammer weakens Buff before tagging in Franchise. He works over Bagwell, but eventually the momentum turns, causing Franchise to run and tag Bammer back in. Kronik runs in to deal with that, delivering High Times. Clark goes for the pin, but Candido breaks it up, causing Kronik to give chase. Buff delivers the Blockbuster to Bigelow and nabs the pin. He’s soon beat up by Franchise, which then brings Kronic back out, with their theme song, mind you. Not a bad match, really. It ended clean, what more can I ask from WCW in 2000, really? Plus I got to see Buff, put a check in the win column for me.
Buff delivers a Blockbuster to Bigelow for the pin at 6:20 | **
Jeff Jarrett [C] vs Scott Steiner – WCW Championship – w/ Mike Awesome as special guest ref
Midaj is the only one of Steiner’s chicks that’s still around. Which means she’s desperately broke, or Scott has her father tied up some where. I’m putting money on the second. Jarrett gets the jump on Scott, and controls the match for the first few minutes. They brawl to the outside, where Scott gains control after some help from Midaj. A brawl through the crowd leads them back into the ring where Jarrett turns the tide. He maintains control, stopping Scott’s attempts to turn it around with eye-pokes and suplexes. Eventually Scott is able to catcha breather when he reverses a sleeper into one of his own, followed by a suplex. Scott dominates until he clamps on the Steiner Recliner, which is apparently banned. He won’t break it, so Awesome clubs him with a chair. Jarrett tries a pin, but no go, prompting him & Awesome to lay the boots on him. Back up, he directs his attention to Awesome, while Jarrett breaks a guitar over his head, giving him the pin. Honestly, not a bad match. It went the distance, a million people didn’t interfear. Good enough deal for me.
Steiner eats a guitar and then a pin at 9:11 | **
Steiner cleans house, but then Goldberg comes out to stop him. Nash shows up, but Goldberg ducks out. Time’s up.
Showcase Showdown: I’m speechless. After 6 months of the worst programming to ever be seen by anyone, I’ve finally seen a good episode of Nitro from the year 2000. Now, it’s still bad by normal standards, but by WCW 2000 standards? This is Flair vs Steamboat. We got a stipulation made that they STUCK TO, they actually stuck to it the entire time. And the stipulation was no outside interference! So every match ended with only the invovlement of those in the ring! Absolutely amazing! Then, we had things move along at a great pace, matches that weren’t God-awful, angles that made sense, and NO RUSSO WHATSOEVER. Hell, maybe that’s been his plan all along. He just punishes you and punishes you and let’s you truly know what pain is, so when pleasure comes your way, you appreciate it more than anyone human before or after. I know it’s far too good to last, but man was it a nice breath of fresh air. Hopefully next week when Sebastian does his, it’ll be a special 3 hour edition jam-packed with Russo, and zero Stacy.
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