Monday Nitro – May 22nd, 2000

nitromay22nd

[Note From Caliber: I apologize for the long duration between reviews. Sebastian has just been super busy with life and all that, so it took him a minute to get this one. I could have done it, but he promised he’d do it, and bring the goods. He did as always. We’re back on track with weekly updates. For other wrestling goodness from your boy, check out rspwfaq.com and scrublife.wordpress.com]

They play a kind of recap from last week but its so fast paced and uncohesive you don’t really get any idea of what happened from last week. Then again, I don’t know what i’m usually watching when I’m reviewing this show.

Case and point, Vince Russo gets out of a limo with Jeff Jarrett going, “Why did it have to be him?” I imagine he’s talking about Kevin Nash, yeah why did it have to be the old tall guy who hurts himself doing powerbombs? Who did he want it to be? Sid Vicious? The young, up and coming guy who’s a monster? Diamond Dallas Page, a guy who wins almost every match he’s in? How is Nash more threatening than those guys?

1st Match: Kat vs Booker T Martial Arts Weapons Allowed AKA No DQ

They fight to the outside, back inside and Kat gets some nunchucks, and goes Raphael [Note From Caliber: I assume you mean Michelangelo? Unless Booker is being stabbed to death with sais] on Booker T’s ass (that’s the Turtle with the nunchucks right?). Kat hits Booker with nunchucks for a while. Something I notice is that the nunchucks aren’t connected yet in every movie I’ve ever seen they’re connected by a chain. So are they supposed to be connected by a chain or not? Booker tries to come back but Kat hits him with a low blow. Booker comes back with punches in bunches but Kat picks up a kendo stick and hits him with it. Kat runs right into a Book End…. which he no sells. Booker hits a side kick and spinebuster. Booker whacks away on Kat with a kendo stick but then Shawn Stasiak comes down to the ring. Booker destroys him with a scissors kick and a chair shot, however it gave Kat a chance to heal and hit a kick for the win.

DUD Match was mostly Kat hitting Booker with weapons. The come back was random and the match just wasn’t well structured.

The Misfits, some new tag team that have the Dudley cameo pants, come down to the ring and clear out the heels (Shawn and Kat). Eric comes out to the ramp with Kimberly and he rambles something about business in California, and then offers Booker T to come over to The New Blood side. Booker and friends huddle, and then tell Eric to kiss their ass. Then some chick they have with them shows her ass.

We cut to commercial and come back to Eric telling Booker T he’s fired. Booker T’s yelling, “What did I do wrong?” Well you told your boss to kiss your ass. Cut to Russo for like five seconds and he’s having a funeral for Flair. He cries a lot. Awesome.

Daffney comes down to the ring and grabs the mic. So last week Daffney and Crowbar were arguing over who’s the Crusierweight Champion. Daffney says she deserves it because she pinned the chick for the title. So… what is Crowbar’s argument for holding the title? For being a man? I’m going to have to side with Crowbar here.

2nd Match: Daffney vs Crowbar (C) for the Crusierweight Title

Crowbar comes out to the ring and they start playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. Daffney hits Crowbar with a DDT and STACEY KIEBLEIR IS THERE FOR NO REASON!  So Chris Candido and Tammy come in the ring and beat up Crowbar. Daffney holds Crowbars head to kind of support him but the Referee counts it as a pin giving Daffeny the title.

DUD It was a bunch of random crap with some wrestling moves. Heh, I just summarized The Marine.

Billy Kidman is backstage and makes a joke about Torrie Wilson being the Referee for his next match and Eric makes it happen. Then Billy and Horace start fight backstage.

3rd Match: Billy Kidman vs Horace

Billy and Horace fight to the ramp. Horace misses a splash on the stairs and Kidman hits a cool bulldog onto the floor. Into the ring and Kidman hits a dropkick. Kidman stomps a mudhole. Eric says there’s going to be a special referee at the Pay Per View if Hogan can beat Kidman. The commentators talk about the stipulation and Eric, who walked onto the table to do commentary asks them if they think that Hogan can really beat Kidman. Um, yeah, I do because Hogan beat Kidman at the Pay Per View and squashed him on almost every Nitro leading up to this upcoming Pay Pr View. Horace tries a powerbomb and you know how that goes. Kidman is about win this hard fought match when Hogan comes out to the ring for seriously no reason and throws Kidman off the turnbuckle into the table ko’ing him and Horace. Hogan puts kidman on Horace, and then puts his boot on him pinning them both. This is pathetic, you can’t have Hogan beat up guy smaller than him for no reason and act like a completely ireprehensible human being, and say he’s the good guy just because Eric Bischoff is supposed to be bad, and Hulk Hogan is Hulk Hogan.

0.5/5.0 Kidman did some cool moves.

Ralphus and Norman try to give The Filthy Animals a car wash. I’ll let you imagination do the rest. Hopefully you’ll think of Alexis Texas and Gianna Michaels licking soap off each other or something cool. [NFC: I just imagine how bad that soap would taste. Be worth it though]

Terry Funk is making some kind of special announcement tonight. He’s dressed in a tux and is wearing his hardcore title. The commentators are hypothesizing that he’s going to quit. If only, then Tommy Dreamer could’ve wrestled someone a little fresher, like Hulk Hogan. Funk talks about how he told a bunch of his family members to watch this show. Shane Douglas and friends come out telling Funk to make the announcement. Funk makes a Stone Cold reference, “If you really want me to make the announcement why don’t you yell hell yeah?” Funk then tells them that his Son is having a baby. He then says he’s retiring June the first. June the first, 2001. Shane Douglas and friends are so mad they come down to the ring and attack him. I’m not sure who’s all here, one of the guys with Shane is The Kat. They hit Terry a couple times and then piledrive him on a chair. Funk’s daughter, who’s been at ringside the whole segment runs down to the ring. Shane pushes her around and then goes back to Terry, and then piledrives him on the chair again. One of the guys counts a pin on Terry and Shane takes the title. I’m not sure if WCW has that 24/7 thing going on or if Shane just stole the title.

We cut back to Ralphus and Norman hanging out with the chick who was hanging around with The Misfits earlier in the night. We see Kanyon at a hospital and he talks about weather or not he’ll walk again. Its pretty lame when they do fake injury angles, it mixes the lines between real injuries, and they never do a cool Rocky come back story out of it anyway. I mean John Cena comes back from an injury and doesn’t even end up winning the title back from Orton (referring to the 2007-08 feud between them). Mike Awesome comes down to the ring in a wheelchair with the weird cast stuff on and makes fun of Kanyon. He asks where the nurses are so he can get a sponge bath. Wall comes down to start this match so… who’s the good guy here? Wall’s the guy who injured Kanyon and put him in a hospital, and Mike Awesome made fun of his injury.

4th Match: Mike Awesome vs The Wall

Wall punches Awesome in the corner, Awesome goes for a Razor’s Edge but Wall wiggles out of it. Wall runs at Awesome and Awesome backdrops him through a table… the bell rings making me think that Awesome lost by disqualification but Awesome is announced as the winner… so was it an unannounced table match?

DUD Match could’ve been decent but it was under a minute.

Wall no sells the table spot and fights Awesome to the ramp. Then Shane Douglas comes out with a lead pipe and hits Wall with it. Shane Douglas’ theme song sounds like the Power Ranger theme. They bring Wall backstage and punch him around. They walk him to an ambulance where DDP was waiting in for some reason. Why would DDP sit in an ambulance? Anyway DDP takes out Mike and Wall chokes out Shane Douglas. Cut to Vince Russo who kicks Kimberly out of the “funeral” for Flair because she’s laughing. Ralphus and Norman are washing a car. It doesn’t get better than this. [NFC: That was the oddest last few sentences I’ve ever read. I can only imagine having to actually see it]

There’s a casket next to the ring with a bunch of security guards. Jeff Jarrett, David Flair and Vince Russo walk down to the ring. They open up the casket and there’s a giant nose and some robes. Vince gets in the ring and tells them to show some clip of Flair falling down on Thunder. Russo talks about how Flair had a brain aneurism and gives the World title to Jeff Jarrett. Russo promises to bury Flair’s Rolex with him.You should also bury his private jet, some hookers, and Arn Anderson with him. Russo opens the casket and Nash comes out. How does that make any fucking sense? If he was in there the whole time it would’ve been really heavy so the only explanation is that Kevin Nash is a ninja and was taught by Liam Neeson. Or he can stop time. Nash big boots Jeff Jarrett and walks out with the World Title.

5th Match: Scott Steiner w/ Some Women vs

Scott has two cheerleaders and some chick in leather. I think the chick on the right looks kind of hot. Scott goes off about the dark side of the moon and how he’s Superman. Also he can have sex really well. Holla if ya heah me daa. Then he says something about how he has wild hair on his ass and how he went to jail, but survived. I wonder if Scott Steiner wrote Prison Break.There’s a cage above the ring that the commentators have just now told us about. Scott challenges Rick Steiner and the weird circular cage thing drops down. Its still dropping down as the match starts.

DUD Was one minute of Scott throwing Rick into the cage and suplexing him.

The cage doesn’t even cover the whole ring, the circular cage is actually in the ring. It looks claustrophobic. Scott sends Rick into the cage and hits him with a belly to belly. Throws Rick into the cage a couple more times. Another belly to belly. Scott goes for his finisher when we cut backstage to Tank Abbot doing his Goldberg thing. He has the security guards and does Goldberg’s intro to piss off Goldberg. His name on the titantron now is Tankberg. Tank tries getting into the asylum, actually makes some progress with his clippers but then just gives up. Tank beats up the Ref and makes the cage go up with… magic powers I guess. Rick and Tank beat up Scott until Nash comes out. He hits both of them with the title belt and the heels leave.

Meanwhile, backstage, Russo shows Double J his Yankee shirt. Some chick asks Nash backstage why he helped Scott just now and instead of answering her question he says he’s going to beat Jeff Jarrett tonight, and then looks at the chicks ass. Badass.

6th Match: Chuck Palumbo vs Diamond Dallas Page

C’mon John, Nirvana’s not that bad. I mean, Kurt has long hair and everything. [NFC: Yes they are! Kurt is God-awful and one of the worst song writers in history]

Chuck flexes a lot but he’s not really that buff so Page isn’t intimidated so he punches him the face. Some chain wrestling and Page takes Chuck down. Whip buy Page reversed but Page hits Chuck with a powerbomb for two. Chuck hits a low blow right in front of the Referee. I’m guessing every match tonight is No Disqualification or something. Elizabeth hits Chuck and Page goes for a roll up but only gets two. Page and Chuck take each other out with a double clothesline. Kimberly comes out with a baseball bat and hits Elizabeth with it. Awesome comes down to the ring with football chest gear and hits Page with it. Awesome puts him a Recliner and the Referee calls it.

1.0/5.0 Some decent chain wrestling.

Oh my God, Kimberly looks so damn hot.

Reed Flair, Ric’s like… twelve year old song comes down to the ring with some other guy in a nice suit. Reed calls David out so David comes out with Daffney. This must be so weird for the Reed kid. “Alright champ, we’re going to need you to help do this angle and talk about your Dad in this fake wrestling thing.” David starts yelling so Reed spears him and puts a headlock on him. David has to go over someone even if he’s only twelve so he elbows him the stomach and puts Reed in the Figure Four. Hot damn, this storyline sucks. They’re trying to make David evil through the stupidest things, he should just pull a Toxic Avenger and start running over kids. Why not have David wrestle someone, beat them, and then fuck them up? That accomplishes almost the exact same thing and makes David look legitimate rather than a guy who beat up a twelve year old. I understand that they’re trying to make it personal or whatever but who cares? That was so short and unmemorable, I don’t think any wrestling fan has ever said, “Remember that time when David Flair beat up his younger brother?” Also this is WCW and you never get a pay off to the good vs evil thing, usually someone unrelated to the connected events comes in and the heel wins. So even if this match did make me want to see Flair fuck up David its probably going to end up being for naught anyway.

7th Match: Vampiro vs Hulk Hogan

Vampiro chops and kicks Hogan around. Vampiro does the punch from atop the ropes. Hogan goes to the outside and Vampiro hits Hogan with a double axe handle. Vampiro hits Hogan with a chair followed by a superkick to the face. Hogan no sells and punches Vampiro around and then hits him with a chair across the back. Whip by Hogan into the guardrail. Punches in bunches. Hogan punches Vampiro around the commentator table and puts Vampiro back in the ring. He hits Vampiro with his belt a couple times and then chokes him. Poke to the eye to Vampiro and some elbows. Hogan bites Vampiro and then brings him in the corner, followed by punches in bunches. Whip and a clothesline. Another clothesline and this time Vampiro flips. Another whip and this time a big boot and then a leg drop. Punches in bunches on the ground. Kidman runs in the ring with a blowtorch and hits Hogan with it, allowing Vampiro to pin Hogan. Um…[NFC: You said Vampiro’s name 12 times in that paragraph. Vampiro.]

VAMPIRO BEAT HULK HOGAN

This means Vampiro> Hogan> Rock

1.0/5.0 Decent match, kind of one sided and nothing great but it did have a pretty unexpected ending.

Vampiro, who came down to the ring with gasoline containers tries to put gasoline on Hogan but Sting comes in the ring and hits him with a Scorpion Deathdrop. Meanwhile, Ralphus tries to kiss that chick hanging out with the Misfits but he ends up getting slapped.

Main Event: Jeff Jarrett (C) vs Kevin Nash for the World Heavyweight Title

Right after Nash’s song ends Russo comes out with security guards. He’s wearing a Yankee shirt so I’m hoping he’ll tear it off and it will be the Mets, SWERVE! Russo hits the Referee with a baseball bat and then becomes the Referee. Nash hits a sidewalk slam early on but only gets one because Vince won’t count. Nash jaws with Vince allowing Jeff to hit Nash with a chair. Nash no sells and takes Jeff outside with a clothesline. Nash drops Jeff on the apron and pins him on the outside of the ring. Russo DX Chops at Nash and runs inside. Nash starts choking Russo but Jeff hits Nash with the title belt. My video goes fuzzy for a couple seconds…. and then it goes black. I’m guessing its part of the show’s problems itself because the Nitro logo was there during the black out part. We come back and Jeff hits the stroke but Scott Steiner comes to the ring and punches Jeff a couple times. Jeff hits a low blow and then the security guards. They bring Scott to the outside of the ring and handcuff him. Jeff is knocked out inside the ring from a clothesline from Scott. Nash grabs Russo by the throat and makes Russo count but Russo gets out of the chokehold. The guards try to attack Nash but he takes them all out and goes to powerbomb Russo but some blood drops from the ceiling onto Nash and Jeff hits Nash with a guitar, then pinning him to retain the title.

1.0/5.0 Was exciting, not really a good wrestling match at all but had some nice twists in there and I wasn’t sure who as going to win.

Eric comes out to promote the Pay Per View and Vince tells the fans to bite him. How did this show get bigger ratings than now? Jeff says he’s the Chosen One and says slapass.

Final Thoughts: Show was horrible wrestling wise but the storylines made sense and overall this show was actually very watchable. Not horrible or dull, the wrestling itself wasn’t very bad either, there just wasn’t a lot of it. All in all this wasn’t the worst show to promote the pay per view, just style over substance really.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s