We get clips of Thursday Thunder. They had a New Blood vs Millionaire’s Club battle royal, with the winner getting a title shot at the GAB. Macho Man shows up, then Ric Flair wins it. I don’t get it, Macho shows up for the first time in almost a year, and is JACKED. Yet this is all they use him for?
Tony let’s us know that today is the continuation of the war that started Wednesday. Well, that’s nice that story lines are stretching almost 7 days.
Chris Candido [C] vs The Artist – Crusierweight Championship
I can’t help but feel bad for Sunny, I really can’t. They’re doing the classic long ramp style that
they use to do. They start off in the ring, doing some decent chain wrestling. End up outside, brawl on the ramp, back in the ring. The Artist tries to do a powerbomb, and Scott says Chris tried to fight out of it. Which is a nice way of covering up the fact they fucked it up. The crowd reminds them though. Sunny clocks The Artist with a chair, which almost scores the 3 count. A piledriver, and flying-headbutt later and we have it. The only match I thought might be worth it, and no.
Flying head-butt on The Artist gives Candido the pin at 7:49
Terry Funk [C] vs Norman Smiley – Hardcore Championship
They start in the bathroom, do a lot of your typical brawling, trash cans, things of that nature. The mystery man is unmasked as Ralphus, which I have to hope everyone saw coming. They get themselves to the ring, Ralphus & Norman both do the wiggle. This is just dragging, and dragging, until it ends with a roll up.
Terry Funk rolls up Norman Smiley for the pin at 10:03
We get a promo from David Arquette, and honestly, it’s pretty good. He talks about being his own man, and how DDP doesn’t have faith in him, thus he’s arriving alone. Planting the seed for the turn you KNOW is coming. He also talks about having fears regarding the match. Really, it’s a damn fine promo.
Sean Stasiak vs Curt Hennig
Seriously, how come he has Perfect’s music, but Perfect didn’t have it when he showed up? Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with the match, but there’s nothing worth writing about. They seem to go through the motions, without any real passion. I mean, Hennig should have been fighting tooth & nail to prove this kid wasn’t better than him. Wasn’t the REAL Mr. Perfect, but we didn’t get that. Now, if they followed this up with Hennig being down and out after the loss, and need to get his shit back, I could buy that. But no.
Stasiak pins Hennig with the Perfectplex at 7:45
Scott Steiner [C] vs Hugh
Morris G. Rection – US Championship
Hugh comes out to let us know he’s no longer Morris, because that was stupid. He’s now Captain Boner. Hey, no complaints from me. Steiner comes out with two woman who look like they stunt double for positive HIV tests. The guy who recorded this, changed it for a second to some interview, marking the only interesting thing to happen this whole PPV thus far. I stand corrected, as near the end of the match, Rection goes for the moonsault, and Steiner, being as brilliant as he is, rolls out of the way. But not ngin, out. So, Rection’s feet, which is whipping 350lbs to the point where at the very least the moment of impact is bringing 700lbs across Steiner’s head. Pretty funny. So he gets up, and puts Rection in the Recliner. Honestly, it’s not a bad match, pretty decent power bout.
Steiner scores the submission with the Recliner at 9:24
Mike Awesome vs. Kanyon
Man, this match is kicking ass. Mike is bringing some ECW style to this bout, and Kanyon is talented enough to
carry his own weight and keep this match from being the usual ‘wcw hardcore’ drect. Dammit! The PPV skipped all of a sudden, and I missed a top rope neckbreaker. Man, it better not end now. Oh man, Awesome did a Sid Powerbomb to Kayon, dropping him on his neck. Well, the match was going great, outside of Sid v Benoit, this is hands down the best I’ve seen in 2000 so far, and now it’s gonna end on some bullshit. Nash shows up, and the New Blood run out to beat the shit out of him. What a bummer, because that match was, not to be cliche, but FUCKING AWESOME.
Awesome goes for Awesome-Bomb on the concrete floor, but Nash wonders down, then the NB for the DQ at 12:10
We get the recap of the Luger v Buff feud. Which the recap completely focuses on Russo and his deal with Liz. I don’t get it, if he owns Liz’s contract, thus owning her, then doesn’t he own the entire roster? I’d demand that La Parka mow my lawn, IN the outfit.
Lex Luger vs Buff Bagwell
Buff’s theme music is still perhaps the greatest ever. It’s really a shame that Buff isn’t a better wrestler, because he’s so
damn charismatic. But then you get him in the ring, and its bummer city. I mean, this match isn’t horrible or anything,
it’s just boring as all hell. Liz finally breaks free of Russo’s evil clutches, and runs to the ring. Oh man, I really hope this isn’t the part where she turns on Luger. She shows up, Buff gets the bat and whoops on Luger. This doesn’t draw the DQ, but Nash running out did? I’m SHOCKED they didn’t go with Liz turning on Luger, so, I guess that’s their swerve. Good job.
Luger racks Buff for the submission
Chuck Palumbo rushes out to kick Luger with his extremely under developed legs. Serious, it looks like he has the legs of
Kelly Kelly. Well, the plus side is that I FINALLY, FINALLY find out what the hell that logo is on Luger’s trunks. It’s for his Main Event Fitness Gym.
Shane Douglas vs Ric Flair – If Russo interferes, then Ric gets 5 minutes alone with him
This has some potential to be decent. I’m making the mistake of looking forward to it. They will let me down. Well, they waste no time in letting me know this isn’t gonna workout, as Flair comes down in street clothes. At least he calls Douglas an uncensored dipshit. The match is really boring, as Flair just doesn’t give a shit. So, Flair’s about to put the Figure 4 on Douglas, but then of course Russo comes down in the Sting mask to attack Flair. Right then, since Tony knows it’s Russo, you know it isn’t. They leave, Ric demands his 5 minutes with Russo. Luger throws the fake-Russo in the ring, real Russo shows up, fake Russo is David Flair. And the crowd goes dick. They beat on Flair, Nash shows up, goes to powerbomb Russo and Daffney lowblows him. Well, at least there’s Daffney.
Shane Douglas pins Flair with the small package at 8:56
Sting vs Vampiro
We get a recap of the Sting/Vampiro feud, and honestly, it made me less interested in it. Vampiro is about as interesting as this girl whom I had to deal with once because I had to “take one for the team”. Well, the girl WOULD NOT leave me alone, and kept trying to get me to fool around with her. We both went to bed in the same room, and she kept complaining about how cold she was. So I told her to shut up and get a blanket. She said they didn’t know where they were. I said I couldn’t help her. She said she wanted me to lay with her. I said there wasn’t room, and me laying on her wouldn’t be comfortable. She said it would. So I literally went over there and just planked my self on her. Dumb girl. Yeah, of course I ended up making out with her and motorboating some boobage [she had great boobs], but that’s
neither here nor there. That’s how interesting Vampiro is. As an obnoxious girl who keeps begging for the D, when you just want to go to sleep. So, as Sting’s music starts, we see a crow on the screen scaffold. As they battle to the ring, we see the bird handler come out and get it. That really makes Sting seem that much more scarier, seeing that he has to check the yellow pages to find a bird handler. Seriously, why do I want to see this feud? I’ve already seen Sting beat the living shit out of Vampiro on Nitro. Madden says that this will go on forever, because neither will allow themselves to be defeated. Despite the fact Vampiro was just defeated.
Sting hits the SDD and snags the pin at 6:49
They shill a Buff Daddy pennant if you send in your receipt for Slamboree. Only one per household. Well duh, you’d go bankrupt if the same home received multiple pieces of key merchandise.
Hulk Hogan vs Billy Kidman w/ Special Guest Eric Bischoff
You know, I use to hate American Made, but it’s actually grown on me. I’d say out of all of Hulk Hogan’s entrance songs about him being American, this is a strong #2. Honestly, not a bad match. Pretty typical Hogan bout though. Near the end, he knocks out Bischoff, and then goes for a set of tables. It’s weird seeing him do that. One of’em is broken though, and I’ve always liked to see how wrestlers break character with the “Ah, are you fucking kidding me?” look they get. Hogan gets bloodied with a chair, as he then sends Bischoff through a table with a powerbomb. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen Hogan do a powerbomb, or put someone through a table. So, right on. Even though this match is actually damn great, it shows exactly what’s been wrong with this ENTIRE reboot. I mean, Hogan just over-came great odds, and had a hard-fought fight against BILLY FUCKING KIDMAN. Did Hogan REALLY need it? If this would have been the other way around, with Kidman as a face and Hogan the heel, it would have worked. Fucking idiots.
Kidman crashes through a table, Hogan covers, Horace comes out and uses Bischoff’s hand to count the pin at 13:31
David Arquette [C] vs DDP vs Double J – WCW Championship
Buffer does the usual schpeel. You know it cost them $10,000 every time he does that? Smart money says that Arquette turns on DDP, an event that will deeply sadden and shock Tony. So, they do a bunch of brawling, and Arquette keeps getting knocked around. DDP is the first to climb up to the second level known as “Hardcore Hell”. Honest to God, I’d be TERRIFIED to be there, because I wouldn’t trust WCW’s shotty construction and fear I’d fall to my paralization. Literally, as I was typing that sentence, they fell into a wall and it collapsed, resting my case. However, I must admit, this isn’t a bad brawl. Holy hell, we may very well have the best show of WCW in 2000 thus far. Of course, the second I give a compliment to WCW, they want to make me regret it. Mike Awesome just came out of now where…ON THE SECOND FLOOR. Did Russo book a matter transporter into this bout? Leave it to him to leave out a crucial piece of booking info. Oh no. David hit DDP with the guitar. Shocking. I will admit, Madden literally flipping his stance on Arquette on a dime is pretty funny. They class up the PPV by havingKanyon takes a HUGE bump from the cage onto the ramp. Really? This arena?
Double J grabs the title belt at 15:30
Showcase Showdown: Honestly, this is easily the best PPV thus far. We had two matches that broke 3 stars, with one of’em even reaching ***1/2. The main event wasn’t a masterpiece, but it was at least able to hold my attention with blood & weapons. Oh, and Russo having apparently invented teleportation. Story-line wise, it’s just as much a mess as it’s ever been. No one is getting over, except for those that have headlined PPVs for almost 20 years plus at this point, and the World Title is about as worthless as you can get.