This is the reboot episode for anyone who forgot. The show starts off with most of the wrestlers in or around the ring. Then more people come out. These Nitros are going to be a walk in the park compared to watching Raw, Raw without ads is about an hour longer now that its three. Jeff Jarrett comes out last and talks about he’s the chosen one and pimps Vince Russo. Jeff says that Russo is going to save WCW and the other storyline writers suck or whatever. See most meetings with Russo involve something really intelligent like, “On Heat you’re going to get a boner,” [Note from Caliber: Huh, how funny you mention that given what happens later] or, “Let’s have Kane and Undertaker do an inferno match were no one gets put in the flames.”
Vince Russo comes out and his voice is really irritating. [NFC: I find his crotch chops far more annoying. It’s like watching my grandmother try and do them] Russo complains about political things backstage and complained about how they had heard about changes they didn’t like but that’s all over because Russo’s here to save to the day. I am so confused with this promo, Russo talks about WWF half the time, then WCW but switches without any transition so I don’t know which one he’s talking about. Eric comes out with a really lame hair do. The commentators are freaking out because they think that Eric and Russo are going to get into it. They end up just hugging and Eric complains that him and Russo were screwed over the, “Good Boys Network.” Eric says Sting, Hogan, DDP, Sid, and a couple other people were his biggest mistakes. Oh c’mon, you’re not even going to mention that in 95 every other main event was Ric Flair vs Randy Savage on Nitro? Sid, Luger, Sting, and DDP with Kimberly. Eric makes fun of them for not being at work or something stupid among those lines. Eric tells DDP that he’d be a redneck in some bar in Florida. He also built Sting’s career I guess, and Sid’s career. [NFC: That’s true. As Erik was working for Verne Gagne when Sting was wrestling for the championship against Flair. And then doing announcing gigs for WCW when Sid was headlining WM against Hogan. I guess he built my career too] Eric says he’s going to make it a level playing field but Russo stops him there. Russo calls Flair shit off his shoe. Other way around Russo.
Russo says he’s stripping everyone of their titles. Fans are chanting for Goldberg,. Eric tells Sid to give him the title so Sid tells him to take it from him. This Nitro would become way cooler if Eric started using his Kung Fu or whatever on Sid and stole the title. Then no one could beat Eric and he could create another NWO with Jeff Jarrett and Russo would be the Co-Champion or something like that. Anyway, Eric says if Sid punches him he gets fired. Sid gives up the title. Eric tells Sid that he’ll get a chance for the title at Spring Stampede. That entire thing took about twenty minutes, on an episode of Nitro for the opener its not that bad but when I saw this on the Nitro DVD I was just so bored. [NFC: This was also the awesome moment where Eric got in Sid’s face and asked if Sid forgot his scissors. See, Sid stabbed Arn Anderson with a pair back in 1994. It was SUPER inside, and the crowd didn’t react. So, Bish’ just said it again. Shockingly, same reaction]
1st Match: Diamond Dallas Page with Kimberly vs Luger with Elizabeth
They cut DDP’s music and pyro like ten seconds into his intro. Same thing with Luger. Ugh, I need my oatmeal to get through this. Why would they start playing the entrance then stop? Why wouldn’t they just not play the entrance in the first place? To do the entrance I imagine there’s some guy backstage that has to play some button for the intro so he would press the button, then have to stop the intro five seconds in. What’s the point?
Luger takes control early. He has Page in the corner and hits him with knees. DDP tries to come out of the corner but gets clotheslined down. Luger picks him up and does a couple of Bane like backbreakers but Diamond is turned to the side. For some reason Buff The Motherfucka Stuff comes out with his entrance and pyro. Luger’s distracted so Page hits a low blow. Lugr comes back and whips Page, hits him with a powerslam. Buff is trying to make out with Elizabeth on the outside of the ring. Buff is distracted so DDP hits the Diamond Cutter for the win.
DUD That match was pretty horrible, Luger was on offense so it was slow and boring. [NFC: I agree completely. It was really stupid that Buff just comes out for no reason. Oh, and he gets full music & pyro. What the sweet merciful hell?]
Curt Hennig is talking to Russo backstage. Russo says that if Curt can beat Jeff tonight he’ll get the shot for the title at the PPV.
2nd Match: Tank Abbot vs …
YEAH TANK ABBOT BITCHES!!!!!! Tank goes off about how he doesn’t know how to wrestle (what!?) but he can kick ass. I think WWE took notes on this and used them for tips on what not to do. Tank calls out Goldberg and he says he’s going to beat up random people until Goldberg fights him. Tank goes over to the announce table and attacks Mark Madden because Mark was in better shape than him. Tank brings Mark in the ring and hits Mark with like three punches and then Refs break it up.
Russo tells Jeff he has a plan for the main event tonight. Hogan talks to Bischoff about, well we don’t know because they go inside a room and the camera dude doesn’t follow.
Kidman comes out and talks about how him and the Nwo Blood have been held down. He’s been used and abused (ha). Kidman addresses Hulk Hogan and says he’s an egomaniac. Kidman says he has heart and talent, two things Hogan doesn’t. He then makes fun of Hogan’s spray tan. This is the best promo of all time ever because its what every smart fan has ever wanted to say to Hogan. Hogan finally sees Kidman on a super tiny TV and comes out to the ring. Hogan gets his full intro too for some reason. Hogan asks Kidman who he is. Hogan says Kidman is complaining and he gives the young guys a bad name. They have to share a mic which is really stupid. Hogan says Kidman’s not in his league and that he’s in love with Torrie Wilson or something which pisses off Kidman so he starts punching Hogan. Hogan rolls to the outside and Kidman misses an axehandle on the outside onto the guardrail. Hogan rams Kidman into the post and throws him into the rail. It doesn’t look that cool because the rails have these giant black mats on them. Hogan calls Kidman a piece of crap, then hits him with more punches. Eric comes in there with a chair and says he’s going to help Hogan. So of course he hits Hogan in the head with it. Kidman pins Hogan and Eric counts it… for the win? What the Hell am I watching? [NFC: Ugh, this was terrible. It absolutely made no sense from a booking stand-point. Hogan talked shit about Kidman first, so why is he the face? It’s ridiculous. The Millionaire’s Club are suppose to be heels, I think, but the New Blood completely act like the bad guys. Which makes no fucking sense! Kidman did cut a great promo, but then he just got his ass kicked and Bischoff had to save him. No wonder Kidman only comes out of his mansion to headline WrestleMania’s]
Flair shows up in a limo. Random basketball commercial. Hogan’s backstage throwing stuff all over the place. I kind of like this angle because Kidman ends up getting a push but its really stupid too because its has the everything is fake except for what’s happening right now mindset.
Flair watched the footage from the start of the show backstage in the production studio. He comes out to the ring and says, get this, woo. That’s what I want it say on my tombstone. It should also be my last words right after deez nuts. Flair says Russo grew up in New York so he must’ve saw Flair wrestle there I guess. Flair says he didn’t get old, he got great. So did Hogan, Luger, and Sting according to him. Steiner comes out and cuts a really incoherent promo. Something about how Flair’s old and how he should be champion. Some guy chants steroids. Steiner uses some profanity and calls Flair white trash. Steiner puts some fake teeth in and pretends he’s Flair. Shane Douglas attacks Flair from behind who was supposed to be fired. Oh God, so this can either lead to Flair vs Steiner or Flair vs Douglas, either way Flair didn’t feel confident of himself in 2000 and either way he’s going have to do some hardcore carrying.
Bret Hart is in the crowd. Shane Douglas goes on about how Flair has made a joke of this business for the last fifteen years. Yeah because having lame “extreme” matches that don’t hold up anymore is so much better than having five star matches every other week.
2nd Match: Sid Viscous vs Sting
Sid brings Sting into the corner but Sting whips Sid onto the top of the ropes and kicks him. Then sends him out of the ring with a clothesline. Sting rams Sid’s head into the rail Sid comes back with a lowblow. Why did Sid, the face, just do a lowblow? I guess they’re trying to make him the heel for the match as he’s jawing with the crowd now. Sid punches Sting around on the outside of the ring. Back in and Sid kicks Sting’s stomach. Sid whips Sting but Sting comes back with a bulldog. Sting goes for a splash but Sid puts his knees up. More choking by Sid. Then a headlock by Sid. This match is just so boring. Sting tries to fight out so Sid takes him down with a slam. To a chinlock now. Still pretty dull. Sting fights out but they do the double clothesline spot because the match was getting a little too exciting. The Wall comes out for some reason with a table. Sting pins Sid for two but Sid does that power kick out were you throw the guy and Sting ends up on the ref. Sid hits the powerbomb but the Wall runs into the ring, then hits him with a chair. Wall puts Sid through the table with a chokeslam. The Ref counts Sid out even though there’s a broken table and a chair right next to a ko’d Sid. Shouldn’t Sid win by DQ? Sting wins by count out.
DUD Very, very dull match. It was just a really weird match because Sid had to play heel as he did the buildup for Sting’s comeback but then he had Sting beat clean, but then lost due to Wall. The booking is just out there. [NFC: I like that the week before he had a bounty on Hogan. Before that, he turned on him. Now he’s a face. It was a terrible match, and Sid barely got off his feet for the chokeslam. This whole mini-tournament thing is so stupid. I mean, God for-fucking-bid that someone wins clean]
Flair challenges Douglas tonight. Hogan throws over a couch backstage. They talk about Ready To Rumble. John’s pretty lucky, he gets to review that for you guys. He’s been talking about it all week telling me how excited he is for it. [NFC: Fuck you]
So we’re an hour in, more with ads, really that would be like an hour half with ADs and we’ve only had two matches that were both around five minutes, and they both sucked.
3rd Match: Jeff Jarrett vs Curt Hennig
Jeff tries to attack Curt on the ramp. Curt brawls back and brings Jeff to the rail, slams his head on it. Curt punches Jeff around the commentator table now. Curt goes in the ring so hopefully this can turn into an actual wrestling match. Curt tries to bring in Jeff but Jeff wrings his neck on the ropes. Jeff with a whip. Jeff does the ten punches even though he’s a heel and that makes no sense. Jeff gets a sleeper in. Curt gets out with a backdrop suplex. Curt’s music starts playing and Shawn Stasiak comes out. What the fuck is going on!? Curt almost hit the Perfect Plex but is distracted by Shawn. Jeff tries to come up from behind but Curt elbows Jeff into the Ref on accident. Wait a second, Shawn Stasiak is Meat? Well Meat his Curt with, well I have no idea whats it called but its the same thing as Sheamus’s White Noise. Jeff with a whip and a Stroke for the win. [NFC: I always thought Shawn was in WCW then went to WWE. I guess not. Also, why was he coming out to Mr. Perfect’s music? If they have the rights to it, why not actually use it?]
DUD I thought the match was going to get good after the backdrop suplex spot but Meat had to ruin it.
Hogan’s backstage and heard that Eric was in the Skybox but it turns out he’s not there anymore. Nash is back and he’s on a cellphone talking to someone, telling them to get there if they can. Sting talks about how he’s been in WCW for a long time.
You people can’t possibly understand the sacrifices we’re making to review these shows. This is brain draining, its exhausting. Its just so bad, nothing makes sense. Its just random events after other random events without any cohesion and random smart references. The matches are almost always bad too. You people better be thankful damn it!
4th Match: Ric Flair vs Shane Douglas
I was too busy writing the above paragraph to get the first couple minutes by play by play but it was mostly them just punching each other. Flair hits Shane with a couple of punches and phew, can’t let a match beat five minutes tonight as Russo comes out with a baseball bat like two minutes into the match and they beat up Flair with it. Shane chokes out Flair with it and Russo tells Flair to suck it. The match was like two minutes and had nothing but punches, I’m not rating it. [NFC: Honestly, I was half enjoying this. Then of course Russo had to come down, and do his God-awful crotch chops. Man, I hate Russo]
Wait a second, why does my GOM player say part one of two? There’s another part!? God no!
Kevin Nash comes out to the ring and mentions what happened at the start of the show. Nash said he got off the phone with Scott and Scott’s sober and pissed off. Nash says that he and Hall saved Russo from being fired numerous times. And without the NWO Eric Bischoff wouldn’t be important. Nash told them to come down. Mike Awesome comes down to the ring and attacks Nash. Mike says that when Vince and Eric took over it was too much of an opportunity to pass up. Well it is kind of a hard choice, Paul Heyman and food stamps, or Eric, Russo, and money? [NFC: What I love is that he was actually a hot property, and a pretty damn good wrestler. I mean, I think it might be the worst use of a big-time name of all time. That 70’s Guy? The Fat Chick Thriller? I want to punch Russo right in the dick. With a truck]
5th Match: Diamond Dallas Page with Kimberly vs Sting
Jeff comes out and goes to the announcer table.This match should be pretty good. Page goes for the Diamond Cutter early but Sting throws DDP out. Back in and a headlock from Page. They do a criss cross and Sting hits a bulldog. Scorpion Deathlock by sting but Page grabs the ropes. Page takes a break on the outside. They punch each other but Page rams Sting into the corner and hits a belly to belly for two. Sting comes back with a clothesline. Jeff leaves the table and jaws with Kimberly. Page fights with Jeff. Meanwhile, Vampiro attacks Sting or to be precise Vampiro attacks Vampiro. Page back in, Diamond Cutter for the win.
1.0/5.0 What they did was really solid but it was just so short, I think the match itself was about four minutes. Jeff runs in the ring and tries to hit Page with the guitar but misses and hits Kimberly. Page tries to get to Jarrett but D Double J runs out of the ring. Russo and Bischoff say the fans love Jeff to Jeff backstage. [NFC: Yeah, I had the same rating. It just made me long for their incredible match from 1999]
Jeff comes out to the ring and talks about how he’s going to win the PPV match. Jeff says he can show Diamond’s wife some wood. Page runs down to the ring in like two seconds and starts kickings Jeff’s ass with punches in bunches. It was a set up damn it as Scott Steiner is there. Luger tries to help him but the New Blood get involved. Sting comes in and starts cleaning house. Booker T and Buff the Stuff come in. Why are they heels? The New Blood take out the faces because its like twenty to three. Russo and Bischoff come out to the stage and smile a lot. Bret Hart comes up the ramp and the show ends. Oh thank God. [NFC: I was so bummed when Jarrett came out, because I thought the Nitro was over. But it just kept going]
Final Thoughts: I mean honestly, would you want to watch anything that happened in this show? If you do you’re fucking insane, this was the most boring, inane, random thing I’ve ever sat through. The matches, all four of them weren’t even average, no match went over five minutes and they all had interference. The storylines are just kind of there to sell the PPV and they’re just being added six days before it. This is just the absolute worst show I’ve ever seen ever. Even if you’re watching it for nostalgia you shouldn’t watch it because you’re just going to bring up repressed memories.
[NFC: I can’t agree it’s the worst I’ve seen, as the first show I reviewed for this website stands as the worst. This at least had some new wrestlers showing up, and a few not-so-bad promos. Far better than Jarrett wrestling 3 old wrestlers in one night. Now, I have a question, do you guys want a review of Ready to Rumble? If so, I’ll do it. Because if you guys don’t care, then I don’t want to suffer for no reason]