We get a video package of Sting coming back and attacking Luger on Nitro and promos from Flair and Hogan where they say they’re going to whip each other with a strap. Heh. After that there’s a video about Jeff Jarrett vs Sid and its kind of funny because we get some over the top promos by Sid.
Flair is giving Luger a verbal blow job backstage. Cut to Sid and Hulk talking also backstage. Sid tells Hogan to watch Ric Flair. Cut to Slap Nuts walking around with the Harris Brothers. Then cut to a mystery limo! This event happened so many times they used it in Smackdown Shut Your Mouth like ten times in the story mode.
The PPV opens up with Team Package arriving. Afterwards, we see Hulk & Sid having a chat about how they’re going to watch each other’s back.
Now, a grand moment in wrestling history happens as the 154th mysterious limo arrives.
Seriously, how many times have we seen that in wrestling? Especially in the late 90’s. Limo company owners must have been sleeping on stacks of $100 bills.
TAFKA [C] w/ Sharmell vs Psychosis w/ Juventud – WCW Crusierweight Championship
Juventud has some rocking glasses and Psychosis and himself each have rocking mullets which were hip and cool in the 2000’s. You can take my word for it, I was four. Bell rings and Iaukea is wrestling in black pants and a pink with purple striped shirt. Before the match can begin Chris Candido comes down to the ring and gets zero reaction. He heads over to the commentating table and says the internet rumors are true and that he’s signed a contract with WCW.
They keep on cutting to Chris Candido because we need to see him instead of just hearing him I guess. Psychosis with a splash to the outside. Back in Iaukea no sells and comes back with a scoop slam. He sets up Psychosis in a Tree of Woe and hits him with a baseball slide. This brings up the question, does anyone do anything but a baseball slide to someone in the Tree of Woe? [Note From Caliber: Yeah, Foley dropped a forearm] Psychosis goes to the outside and gets slapped by Sharmell. Iaukea punches Psychosis around. Snapmare into a…. hair pull. Legdrop into a two count. Another two count because damn it, if Hogan can win with the legdrop why can’t Iaukea. He tries again and Psychosis gets a sunset flip for two. Iaukea with a clothesline.
Psychosis whips Iaukea into the corner and Iaukea’s dead from that viscous whip giving time for Psychosis to set up Iaukea on the top rope and hit him with top rope rana for two. Psychosis goes up the top only for Sharmell to start jawing with him. Juvy gets into a fight with Sharmell and they dub it a cat fight. Anyway, Psychosis hits a leg drop from the top but doesn’t go for the pin. He gets distracted by Sharmell as Iaukea gets on the middle rope and hits a DDT off of it for the win.
3.5/5.0 Seemed awkward at times but was a pretty good match. Very fast paced and a good choice for the opener though I’m not sure why they kept Iaukea as the champ.
After about a minute into the match, Chris Candido makes his WCW debut. Soon Mike says that Chris needs to prove that he can hang with stars like The Artist.
Really? That’d be like saying someone who’s hoping to play in the NB needs to prove he can hang in basketball with the likes of me. Only Russo would think
you could draw money from a guy impersonating Prince and wrestling in a suit. They actually have a pretty sweet end sequence, as a Psy hits a top-rope rana for two, then a guillotine leg-drop. TAFKA won’t give up, and once Sharmell distracts Psy, he’s able to hit the 2nd rope DDT.
(TAFKA hits the 2nd rope DDT for the pin at 7:22) *1/2
Bammer gives us an interview, saying that The Wall makes him unhappy. He may have taught him how to wrestle, but he didn’t teach him everything.
Lane & Rave vs The Screamin’ Demons
I have to fight the urge to type Gene Simmons 1 and Gene Simmons 2 or White Gene Simmons and Black Gene Simmons.
To the match, XS knock Demon to the outside. Norman in and Lenny Lane (guy who looks like Jericho’s in the ring). Lane tries to jump over Norman but Norman just grabs his ass. Demon in and he punches around Lane. Lane with a drop toe hold and guy with ridiculous side burns comes in. They do a nice poetry in motion to Demon and Sideburns hits a suplex. Lane in and they do a triple clothesline spot (never seen that before). Norman in and cleans house. Norman does some really gay dancing (he points at his dick a lot). I have to say XS are actually pretty good wrestlers as they’re doing some pretty cool team stuff. They work over Norman but Demon sends Lane to the outside. Sideburns is taunting and Norman hits the “Norman Complex, aka a really bad chokehold that doesn’t look like it does anything for the win.
2.5/5.0 XS were actually really good in this match and made it fun to watch. Besides Norman raping people and the weird WCW pace it was decent. So XS try to abduct Stacy but the “Screaming Demons” save her. Then they bring Stacy in the ring and she…. slaps Norman’s ass. Then Norman and the Demon dance and point at each others crotches as the fans boo the whole time.
The only high point is when Stacy Keibler shows up. She’s trying to court Lane & Rave, but since they’re doing a gimmick where they want to fuck ugly chicks, I guess, they don’t want anything to do with her.
(Norman puts the Chicken Wing on Lane for the tap out at 3:41) *
Afterward, Stacy hits the ring to dance with everyone, and slap Norman’s ass.
Booker and Kidman talk about their match later tonight and David Flair tells Daffney, who now has red hair [NFC: HOT] to stay out of the ring tonight. David and Crowbar also have these stupid ass neck braces on too.[NFC: See, Sebastian, you’re too young to remember this, but the neckbrace was the key to every other joke from the mid 1980’s-2000] If they’re necks were that bad the sports code law thing from Rocky 6 wouldn’t let them do any activity, then again I’m pretty sure it doesn’t take a license to wrestle.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs The Wall
Bam punches Wall a bunch of times, Wall comes back with punches. Bam comes back with punches. Whip by Bam and a clothesline in the corner. Wall comes back with his own clothesline. then another clothesline from Wall to the corner. Bam with a clothesline to counter. Then Bam hits Wall with a scoop slam and goes to the top. Headbutt from the top… isn’t that his finisher? Bam really didn’t have that many moves at this point. [NFC: uh, no moves? Than I guess I didn’t just read “punch clothesline punch clothesline punch clothesline”?] He gets a two and then picks up Wall but he wiggles out and hits a big boot. More punches by Wall. Whip by Wall and a Trips high knee for two. Wall can’t believe that Trips signature didn’t get the win. DDT by Bigelow for two. Wall clotheslines Bam to the outside.
Holy crap is this match bad, there’s been all of what, three wrestling maneuvers? [NFC: Yeah, they do it, it sucks. But when Ric Flair & Vader do it at Starrcade, people think it’s the cat’s pajamas!] Then they just kind of try grabbing each others faces on the outside, its weird. The thing is I like Bam Bam, he’s one of the good big wrestlers but that was in the early 90’s and 80’s. Here he’s just horrible and he’s just going to job to The Wall, a guy who ended up meaning nothing in the long term. Wall chokeslams Bam through a table…. and wins? Is DQ’d? We don’t know, the bell just rings and we don’t get any explanation. Crowbar and David Flair try attacking Wall but he takes out David and then chases Crowbar backstage. Crowbar and Wall end up on the scaffold (its really just a stage thing fifteen feet up) and Wall chokeslams Crowbar off of it. Boo, I fell twenty feet and could walk again in two weeks, Crowbar will be fine.
DUD Just a really bad match, slow, barely any actual wrestling, comprised mostly of punches and the match was really short too.
The punch each other like they own stock in it, and really ramp up the excitement in this bout. Bam Bam says he taught The Wall, so I can only imagine that the lesson was about 15 minutes long.
“OK, when you get in the ring, you punch the guy”
“Alright, then what?”
“What do you mean, “then what”?”
(Bam Bam gets chokeslammed through a table to draw the DQ at 3:26) DUD
Afterwards, Crowbar comes down to try and extract revenge. They fight up the video screen, then Wall sends him back down with a chokeslam through the stage. Man, you have to love the absolutely pointless, and dangerous bumps.
There’s actually a comment on youtube that says Norman Smiley’s badass, I never thought someone could be so mentally unstable to actually take the time to write that. [NFC: Well, to be fair, he was a big draw in Mexico as the champion. He was known as Black Magic then]
I do feel kind of bad for my crack on The Wall not being important as it turns out that he died in 2003. Who knows, maybe he would’ve become a better wrestler. I was curious to how he died but uh, he doesn’t actually have a Wikipedia page. [NFC: Yeah, he does. You just gotta look him up by his real name, Jerry Tuite]
3 Count [C] vs Knobbs – 3-On-1 Handicap Match for the WCW Hardcore Championship
Knobbs beats them all up and then makes them smell his armpits. They gang up on him, then set up a ladder and do flippy moves off the top until one of them misses. He takes them all out and keeps one of them in the ring. He hits him with a broom, sets a chair on his face and hits him with the broom, then pins Shame Helms for three. However its an elimination match so Knobbs has to beat all three of them. Evan Keragias in the ring and Knobbs breaks the broom over him. Then he powerbombs Evan through a table he had set up on the outside of the ring, then pins him on the outside.
Shane Helms tries to attack Knobbs but he throws him at the guardrail. Knobbs back in with the last member of 3 Count. He sets up Shannon Moore for a slam but trips or something and Shannon gets the win. However, Knobbs’s foot was under the ring. He gets up and cleans house with a trash can lid. Shannon doesn’t want to get hurt anymore so he tries to give Knobbs the belt, but he just kicks the belt which… somehow sends Shannon flying in the air and ko’s him long enough for Knobbs to hit him with a trash can off the second rope for the win.
DUD My God was that match bad, there was about zero wrestling and was just mostly Knobbs burying 3 Count.
Since I’m waiting for the next match I just wanted to include this other youtube comment I found.
“Watching this PPV and basing it’s quality on the fact that WCW was losing money at this time is asinine. That’s like saying Lucky Charms are no longer tasty simply because General Mills’ stock dropped last year. Shut up and enjoy, this is entertaining.”
I’ve looked through this guys youtube history and he seems to be a 90’s WCW/WWF mark. This man is obviously ignorant because people weren’t saying its bad because WCW was losing money, they’re saying its bad because its bad! WCW 2000 is horrible, why do you think I’m reviewing it? I also love that he tells anyone without the same opinion as him to shut up, sounds like something a fascist would say. I guess its entertaining if you’ve lost all you’re brain cells.
This match is the usual mess you’d expect from a WCW hardcore match. Shane Helms is out after breaking a mop with his face, and chair. Evan gets powerbombed to the outside through a table, followed by a pin. Moore tries to pin Knobbs, but his foot is on the ropes, and as we all know, in a hardcore match, you must abide by the rules!
(Knobbs hits a 2nd rope splash while holding a trash-can on Moore for the final pin at 6:51) *
Billy Kidman w/ Torrie Wilson and Booker T vs Harlem Heat
Stevie Ray starts off with punches. Booker comes back with a side kick and a whip into the corner. Kidman in and he gets caught by Ray which leads to a scoop slam. Big T in and Booker gets tagged in. Elbows from Booker, than a chop. Big reverses but Booker hits a side kick. The other big guy tries to interfere so Booker hits him with scissors kick and he just no sells it and argues with the Ref. Kidman in as Big T and Ray hit a double Axe kick. Mark Madden says that Tony’s penis is small and Tony just laughs. The only man’s penis I’m intrested in is Deadpools, I have to know if its burnt! Kidman gets thrown around by Stevie Ray. Big T in with a spinebuster for two as Booker breaks up the count. Ray whips Kidman into the corner and my video freezes up thank God!
Alright, I’m back and Ray misses a splash into the corner. Kidman comes back with a bulldog off the ropes. Kidman with the hot tag to Booker and Big T’s in. He hits a Book End to Big T but Ray breaks it up. Booker then hits Ray with a Book End. Booker gets caught coming off the ropes in a double sidewalk slam for two as Kidman breaks it up. Ray throws Kidman outside, as Big Dude on the outside of the ring accidentally runs into Steve Ray, knocking him out. Kidman comes off the top with a sunset flip for the win.
2.5/5.0 Well Kidman wasn’t the legal man but its WCW 2000 so I’m not really going to complain. Booker and Kidman actually got most of the offense and the heat segment was really short. It was decentish though.
We get another clip of The Wall chokeslamming Crowbar a whole fifteen feet!
It’s a bummer, the two good wrestlers are on the same team. Honestly, I expected this match to really bomb, but Kidman & Booker were actually able to make it passable. Ahmed stayed out of the ring for the most part, and was only in for short bursts of power moves, which worked more than well. Kidman played the whole ‘face-in-peril’ well as Stevie Ray worked him over. They keep this one short, and actually create a decent tag-match.
(Booker gives Big T the boot as Kidman rolls him up for the pin, despite not being legal, at 6:59) **1/2
Finlay vs Vampiro
Finlay kicks Vampiro, clothesline, kick to the back, elbow, and now the nerve hold! Vampiro comes back with spin kicks. Finlay eye pokes Vampiro but he no sells it and then goes up to the top. Another spin kick off the top because Vampiro is such a versatile wrestler. Then he punches Finlay a bunch of times in the ropes. Vampiro whips Finlay into the corner but runs into a boot. Finlay hits the Cloverleaf then goes outside for a chair, but Vampiro’s got a superkick waiting for him. Vampiro tries to jump on Finlay, so he throws him over the guardrail. Vampiro lands on his feet and acts dead from it. I mean dude, you landed on your feet from a six foot fall, I don’t think its that brutal. Well, when you’re the living dead, your muscles, bones, and tendons can be a little sore.
They do shitty crowd brawling which consists of exactly ten thousand punches. They fight into the women’s bathroom but Finlay would feel like he’s spying on Vampiro so he brings him into the men’s room. They fight to the men’s bathroom and throw each other into that thing with the paper towels. Vampiro jumps off one of the stalls onto Finlay and Finlay hits him with a golden garbage can because the garbage cans have to be nice in a bathroom. [NFC: As a former janitor for Costco, I can say that this is not true. Our garbage cans were only gold-plated] They fight to a room that has red lighting. Mark Madden says that this is dangerous even for Miami. Yeah, all the druggies who eat other people’s faces don’t have shit on Vampiro. They do some more shitty brawling as there’s people all over this room. Vampiro hits a scoop slam for the win and I imagine the wrestlers just wanted to get the fuck out of there, it looks really crowded.
DUD In the ring they did nothing really but punch, then in the aisle they punched, in the bathroom they punched, and in the poorly lit room they punched. This wasn’t even a match, it was WCW trying to copy WWF’s Hardcore matches.
Mamalukes, the best thing about WCW 2000, cut a promo backstage. Vito says that wrestling’s important to their family values and that they’re going to retain the title. Well the last couple Mamalukes matches, that I’ve seen anyway, have been pretty good.
I was thinking they could probably string together at least a 3 star match, but instead they opted for the crowd-brawling. Since this is a WCW falls-count-anywhere match, they naturally end up in the bathroom. From that point, they go brawling near a restaurant
inside the arena, and annoying fans feel the need to keep jumping infront of the camera, which really helps the match, I must say.
(Vampiro hits The Nail in the Coffin on the floor outside the bathroom at 8:38) **3/4
The Mamalukes [C] vs. The Harris Brothers – No DQ Match for the WCW World Tag-Team Championships
You know, both the Harris Brothers kind of look like Opie off of Sons of Anarchy.
Vito starts off with some clotheslines and sends Harris Boy 1 to the outside. Johnny the Bull in but Harris Boy 1 works over him with kicks. Whip by Harris Boy 1 but Johnny reverses into a powerslam. Harris Boy 1 gets a low blow in before his brother tags in and throws around Vito. Johnny jumps over the ropes to try and get to Harris Boy 2 but the Ref stops that from happening. Vito hits some kicks and tags in Johnny, double clothesline and then some stomping. To make this match even more exciting Johnny does some choking. They do the Brooklyn Bomb which is a double slam thing. Johnny gets distracted by Harris Boy 1 which allows Harris Boy 2 to hit a clothesline. Harris Boy 1 in and some kid yells, “Go Johnny, go!” Harris Boy 1 in and they work over Johnny in the corner. They choke Johnny in the corner. Harris Boy 1 punches Johnny around and Disco reveals their gameplan on commentary. “We told Johnny he was going to have to take a beating for the team. Don’t worry, this is all part of our plan.”
Sure enough Johnny gets the hot tag to Vito. Vito cleans house and hits a top rope elbow drop for two. What!? Not even Daniel Bryan could kick out of that. Vito gets sent outside and the Harris Brothers hit Johnny with a double pancake. One of the Harris Boys hits the H Bomb which is a really bad spinebuster for two as Vito breaks it up. We’re not including tags now I guess which is fine because its No DQ but why have them tagging in and out in the first place? Disco comes in and hits Harris Boy ? with the title but it only gets two. They hit Vito with the title, then take out Disco and Johnny with the belt, then hit the double pancake thing again for the win.
2.5/5.0 Match was pretty good at the start and had a good heat segment. It just broke down near the end though and everything was just kind of spastic and nonsensical as everyone was just no selling everything and hitting moves that didn’t flow too well together. Also I’m kind of pissed that the boring as shit Harris Boys won the titles and that the booking is so bad that we’ve already switched tag titles two months into 2000. [NFC: switching the titles two months in is like a Lou Thez run when compared to the 22 World Title switches in 2000]
Flair says he’s going to make Hogan bleed all night long with his whip. Heh.
Almost everything in WCW 2000 is bottom of the barrel terrible, but The Mamalukes are actually entertaining. For a couple of huge guys, they’re actually pretty agile
and have some pretty cool moves. Johnny is the face in peril, as he gets his ass kicked for a good portion of the match, including a few double teams. Once Vito comes in, the tide turns. However, after Disco is done kicking ass on commentary, he tires to help the boys by using one of the belts, but it ends up working for the Harris’ favor. As The Harris Brothers become the new WCW Tag-Team Champions. Which is awesome, since they’re boring with zero charisma.
(The Harris Brothers H-Bomb Johnny, and nab the pin at 8:48) **
We get a video package setting up the following match. The video package doesn’t help much though, as we learn that Dustin turns on Funk for no reason, and then Funk keeps
bringing out chickens.
Dustin Rhodes vs Terry Funk – Texas Bullrope Match
Funk comes down the top of the ramp with his hand in a chicken’s ass and says that he brought Dustin’s brother. I start marking out because of Cody freaking Rhodes. Instead of Cody its just a guy in a chicken suit.
To the match. Terry hits a DDT for two. Somehow Dustin recovers with uppercut, then grabs a cowbell he happened to bring with him, and begins to choke out Fun. Dustin punches Terry out of the ring with said cowbell,follows him out, punches a few more times, then throws the Funkster back in.
Dustin ties the cowbell around Terry’s arm and his own. He just throws Terry for two. I’m shocked that he didn’t win with a fucking throw. Dustin hits a bulldog as the cowbell is on Terry’s skull for two. You have to feel for Terry here, he went from feuding to Kevin Nash, one of the main eventers of the NWO to feuding with Dustin Rhodes who they were trying to repackage as a badass by making him have a stupid accent and gay clothing. [NFC: I dunno, I say it’s a lateral move] The guy or girl in a chicken suit interferes so Dustin kicks the crap out of it. This gives Terry a second to recover and he crotches Dustin on the ropes. Terry grabs a mic and says that he’s changing the rules, its now an I Quit match. The Ref says no so he knocks him out. Funk gets Dustin to say I Quit after hitting him about sixty times with the cowbell. The Ref is back in and is saying its not an I Quit match. Funk, a wee bit tired after punching about sixty times, isn’t ready when Dustin gets his 2nd wind.
He hits Terry with the cowbell about seventy-thousand times as I start to fade out because of boredom. Thankfully Dustin hits a piledriver for the win.
DUD A terrible, terrible match. They just relied on the cowbell for most of the match. There was hardly any actual wrestling involved.
Oh great and the match ends up meaning nothing because Terry recovers and grabs the cowbell which leads to Dustin getting scared and running away.
In the ring, Dustin says that tonight is Funk’s retirement match, but he doesn’t get to watch. What the hell does that mean? Will not be getting a complimentary tape of the show? Has the dastardly Dustin ceased all of Funk’s SWAG? Well, as one expects, this match is absolutely terrible. Mid-way through, Funk grabs a mic and says this match is now an I-Quit Match. This ramps up the speed of the match from assMPH to assMPH. Meanwhile, there’s a person in a chicken suit running around, that Funk says is Rhodes’ little brother. He then proceeds to nail Dustin with the cow-bell a ton, thus forcing him to quit. The ref says it isn’t an I-Quit match, so Dustin piledrives him on a cowbell, making us all the true winners as this travesty is finished.
(Dustin hits the piledriver and grabs the pin at 9:01) DUD
We now get a video package of the Lex Luger/Sting horrible build up which didn’t even involve Sting until two weeks before the ppv.
Sting vs Lex Luger – Bob Orton Lumberjack Match
There’s hardly any people as lumberjacks. Curt Hennig, Knobbs, Finlay, Vampiro, and Jimmy Hart. Angle here is that all of these people don’t like Lex because he gave them all broken arms. Lex brags about how smart he is and then brings out his own lumberjacks. Oh snaps! These people are wearing casts too and they’re supposed to have broken their own arms because they love Lex Luger so much. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Hugh Morrus, Stevie Ray, Cash, and the Harris Boys are Lex’s lumberjacks.
Lex attacks Sting before the match starts. Shouldn’t that count as a DQ right there? I’m pretty sure that if a boxer hit another boxer before the fight started he would’ve not only lost but been fined. Oh well. Sting comes back with punches in bunches. Lex goes out to recoop in his corner. Back in, Sting brings Lex down and boots him. Elbow drop by Sting for two. Mark Madden is talking about Sting’s acting career and making jokes about it but what movie was he actually in other than Ready to Rumble? I mean, I kind of want to watch it because I’m pretty sure its going to be really bad. Lex goes to the wrong corner, comes back in, Sting goes to the wrong corner, and they both get beat up. Tank Abbot comes down to the ring with a beer gut. He punches Dillion who’s an old dude that has nothing to do with the match then leaves.
Then for no real reason the all the lumberjacks are gone minus Vampiro. See I have this working theory that there’s no such person as Sting, that the guy who plays Sting is also Vampiro and there’s multiple Vampiro’s that were made in a clone factory which leads to my main point, we are all Vampiro. I’m Vampiro, you’re Vampiro, that guy/girl/desk/lamp/cup next to you is Vampiro. [NFC: I see huffing paint is still big with kids your age]
Back to the match, Ric Flair comes down and beats up Vampiro and then goes in the ring and chops Sting like an idiot. Sting whips Flair into the corner and hits him with a Stinger Splash. Flair rolls to the outside and Sting hits the splash on Lex but Elizabeth hits Sting with the baseball bat. Jimmy takes Elizabeth out, threatening her the whole time with Hogan’s belt. Heh, if Elizabeth’s bad Jimmy’s going to whip her. Lex goes for a cover but only gets two. The Ref gets distracted by absolutely nothing as Lex goes for the Torture Rack but Vampiro runs in there with a baseball bat, hits Lex with it, then Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop,for the win. Vampiro and Sting hug thus destroying all of reality because Vampiro can’t hug himself.
3.5/5.0 Really good match actually, there wasn’t really a point for the lumberjacks or for the Flair interference but they were trying to build more suspense so the booking does make sense. It was just a pretty well paced match and the fans were really into it.
Luger has been on a tear, Pillmanizing everyone he comes in contact with. So, we get quite the mix of lumberjacks. Everyone from Jimmy Hart, to Vampiro, to Dillinger comes down to back The Stinger. Luger has his own team, as heels come down with casts on. Madden makes the comment that they’re so committed to Team Package that they broke their arms. That actually made me laugh. This match is a total mess. Tank Abbot comes down to knock out Doug Dillinger, then leaves. This prompts the Lumberjacks to brawl to the back for no reason. Vampiro stays, only to get beat up by Ric Flair. Sebastian said this match
was pretty good, leading me to believe the rumors are true; he’s in Vince Russo’s pocket. I should have known when I saw him riding around in Vince’s Pope Mobile.
(Sting nails Luger with the Scorpion Death Drop, after Vampiro saved him from The Rack via a baseball bat. Nabs the pin at 7:01) *1/2
Sid [C] vs Jeff Jarrett – WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match
This match wasn’t supposed to happen next, Hogan vs Flair was but they changed the booking. Sid doesn’t realize that which leads to a pretty funny moment. The guy tells Sid his match is up next which leads to Sid acting like a very polite nice guy, “Oh jeez? Really? Thanks. I better get out there.” Its just really funny because Sid’s whole character is that he’s a crazy guy who wants to send people to Hell and destroy the world and here he’s acting like a polite gentleman. Which makes even less sense if you know about Sid’s backstage antics like that bar fight.
Jeff started cutting a promo which was the perfect time for a piss break. I think I heard from the bathroom that if Jeff wins he’s going to make his whores that come to the ring with him before every match are going to get naked if he wins. Isn’t that giving the fans a reason to cheer for Jeff then?
Sid dodges a clothesline as weird as that sounds and hits Jeff with one of his own. Sid does the ten count in the corner with one fist because he’s so badass. Sid goes for a chokeslam but Jeff pokes Sid in the eyes. Sid sends Jeff to the outside with a clothesline, then goes outside and comes off the commentating table with an axehandle. They go into the crowd and do some awesomely horrible crowd brawling. This match isn’t No DQ or anything, yet he’s not disqualifying them for anything or counting them out.Mark does a nice cover up for this as he says that he’s going to let them do what they want because the fans want to see this. [NFC: Mark Madden: LIAR] Harris Boys come in and attack Sid. Back in the ring and Jeff nabs a sleeper.
Well since I’m waiting for something to happen does anyone else hate those stupid AD’s with chicks on the side asking how are you and then there’s something stupid next to that like FREE SEX or DO YOU WANT TO FUCK OLD CHICKS!? Its really annoying, I mean it so bad I’m getting them on porn sites, Pirate Bay, Facebook, and Youtube! [NFC: Yeah, my favorite is when you get the window like you’re getting a msg on Windows Messenger. They always say “Is there anything to do in [your home town]” and there’s even a photo, so you know it’s legit. Except, I recognize the photo. And as much as I’d like it to be real, Gianna Michaels is not msging me for late night sex. Well, maybe she is. ]
To the match. Sid powers out of the sleeper and goes for a chokeslam but can’t pull it off some reason. Ref gets ko’d and Jeff hits Sid with the guitar. Jeff gets Slick Johnson, the evil Ref to come out and Jeff gets two but Hogan ko’s the Ref and attacks Double J. The fans actually boo him because they want to see tits. Hogan puts Sid on Jeff and the Ref says its a three count without actually counting. Then the Harris Boys come out, attack Hogan, Sid attacks them, and then leaves and the next match is starting so I’ve gotta write this up quick.
DUD Match was a horrible garbage overbooked mess.
The announcers tell us that Hogan v Flair was suppose to be next, but we got this instead. I don’t understand the point in telling us that at all. What am I suppose to do with that information? Well, either way, Jeff Jarrett is going to talk. He says that if he wins, the girls will come out naked. They’re there, as a group, proving that there’s I in team, but there’s a few in Chlamydia. Now, before I can even wonder why the ref isn’t counting Sid & Jeff out for fighting in the crowd, they’re back in the ring, with Jarrett knocking out the ref. Now of course, this brings out Slick Johnson. He goes to make the 3 count after Double J nailed Sid with the guitar, and has to pause after the two so that Hulkster can catch up and pull him out. I tell you, people can say what they want, but having another guy win your match for you is a sure fire way to keep the champ strong, and put money in the piggy bank.
(Hogan leg drops Jeff and then drapes Sid over him for the pin at 7:36) *1/2
Flair comes out to even the score, and as they get to brawling, the match just starts. Sure, why not
Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair – Apple Pie Strap Match
(To win this match you have to hit all four corners.)
(Or by pinfall I guess.)
They go to the outside and whip each other with the strap. Hogan really beats Flair. Then Hogan slaps Flair. They go to the inside and Hogan chokes Flair, I’ve heard Hogan’s into that kind of thing. Hogan whips Flair with his strap a couple more times. Clothesline in the corner and Flair flops down. Flair up with a chop. If Sting can no sell the chops why can’t Hogan?
Flair whips Hogan which makes Hogan yell in pain (or pleasure, I’m not sure). Hogan kicks Flair in the nuts. He responds and chops Hogan, but he no sells which prompts a pretty funny line from Flair. “Oh God, I’m sorry,” as he tries to run away. Hogan goes up top for the ten punch. Now Hogan bites Flair. Then does another ten count. This match is a masterpiece. Flair tries to escape but you can’t escape from the Hulk! He brings down Flair with a punch, and then does more punches because he’s Hulk Hogan damn it, he doesn’t need to know wrestling moves! Flair goes up top and Mark mentions the last time that Flair going off the top actually worked was Starrcade 1.
They end up outside and now Hogan whips Flair with the strap. Flair comes back with chops that Hogan no sells. Flair gets Hogan to come up to the top of the ramp and Lex hits Hogan with a chair. Hogan’s supposed to be unconscious now yet Jimmy is still yelling, “C’mon Hulkster you’ve got it!” Flair whips Hogan a couple more times and is dragging him up the ramp to the guardrail next to the commentating table. Chops and punches in a corner of the guardrail. Flair punches Hogan in the nuts. This is kind of unimportant but if you ever played Smackdown vs Raw 2008 Flair had two finishers, Figure Four and this weird ball grabbing move, he didn’t even punch you in the balls. It looked like he was massaging them. [NFC: I bet you top dollar wrestlers would fear the hell out of you if your finisher was a blowjob]
Back in the ring Hogan tries to protect his man so Flair chops him down. Flair hits three corners and is trying to reach the last one but Hogan holds on to the strap and won’t let Flair move. Flair puts on knucks and ko’s Hogan with it and goes for a pinfall? Great now I have to add that to the top. He gets two, Hulk Hulk’s up, legdrop, two corners, three, and OH MY GAWD ITS LEX LUGER! Stop the damn match! Actually Hulk just hits Lex with a big boot, pins Flair, and then hits the last corner. Weird.
1,0/5.0 Match was pretty bad, just involved a lot of whipping (heh) and they didn’t even have the rules down. I wish I could say more about it but there’s not a lot to say.
The specifically go over the rules of the match, saying that you need to hit all 4 corners in order to win. So, right here and now I’m betting that it ends in a pin. Honestly, I sort of got my hopes up. Can’t help it. Flair always delivers, and the matches they had in 1994 were awesome. This isn’t so much. The whole match is them whipping one another, and just completely forgetting the rules. I mean, Flair is using a fucking whip the entire match, yet when he uses brassknuckles, he hides them. Which he then follows up with a pin.
(Hogan drops the leg on Flair, pins him, then touches the 4th corner at 14:28) **
I’m completely shocked that Hogan won it with a pin. Also, it’s smart that he won the match previous to this, that he wasn’t even in, so he could come in strong. I’m pretty sure no one thought Hogan was gonna win the big one.
Final thoughts: There’s nothing really worthwhile here to watch. The only people who should watch this are weird nostalgic people who think this is better than WWE now and people who really like bad booked boring shows.
Final Thoughts: This might be the worst PPV I’ve ever seen. The highest match rating is **3/4. Honestly, I think this PPV should be considered a hate crime.