Monday Nitro – February 14th, 2000 – Sebastian

[NFC: Since this episode of Nitro takes place on Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d post a pic of the girl who BEGGED Sebastian to be her valentine last month, Ms Stacy Keibler]

WCW Monday Nitro – February 14th, 2000

crafted with love by Sebastian Howard

We get a recap from Thunder and the short of it is that Hogan’s back and Ric Flair’s jealous or something. Kevin Nash came back as commissioner and is booking Scott Hall vs Jeff Jarrett even though they were friends like two weeks ago. Ric Flair beat David Flair on Thunder. Hogan beat up Lex Luger. Hall wrestled Jeff Jarrett and JJ cheated to win, then it was a restart, then Sid comes in and hits Jeff with a powerbomb and my fucking head explodes. WCW has no idea who the number one contender is and its going to be decided tonight.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with the Harris Brothers and some ladies. Jeff makes them come out to the ring in high heels and then just sends them to the back. What was the point of that? Harris Brothers say that them and Jeff Jarrett are the New NWO. Well this NWO sucks. Jeff Jarrett brags about being the US Champion. Kevin cuts him off from the titantron thing sitting down with hot nurses around him. Kevin’s holding a baseball bat for some reason. Jeff Jarrett names himself the acting commissioner and then Nash’s music comes on. Nash comes out in a wheelchair, nurses, and a baseball bat. Oh shit, you don’t screw with a dude in a wheelchair! Kevin says that Jeff is thinking that he can come down with the Harris Brothers and beat Kevin up. Kevin talks about surgery he got and says that he can put his foot hin Jeff’s ass. Nash says he’s making a triple threat match at SuperBrawl. Nash says that Jeff’s wrestling Sid tonight and its not for the title. I don’t understand why Jeff would be mad about that considering he’d still have to win the triple threat match at Superbrawl. Nash says he has to go fuck nurses and then gets wheeled out of the arena.

Tony and Mark then spend like six minutes talking about how exciting this shows going to be. Flair is walking backstage with Lex Luger and Elizabeth. Three Count are backstage practicing their dance routine. Hell yeah, they don’t want to botch it. Norman Smiley talks to two guys who make inside comments. Stacy Kiebler is WALKING BACKSTAGE!!!!!
No Ads on this one apparently.

We cut to Tank doing boxing backstage and then to Three Count doing really stupid dancing in the ring. Oh great now they’re singing. Norman Smiley comes out for his match against Three Count since he wants to take them all out for some reason.

1st Match: Norman Smiley and Lane vs Three Count

Shannon Moore hits some really shitty offense onto Norman. Lane comes in after Norman goes to the outside and then this turns into a spot fest as everyone jumps onto each other on the outside of the ring. Stacy Fucking Keibler comes out. Guy with a Hey Whore sign should die a slow, painful horrible death. Stacy goes out to the announce table and says that Lane and Idol don’t know what they’re missing. After some more spot fest shit Stacy gets on the table and starts dancing ON THE FUCKING TABLE!!!! Fuck the match, cut to Stacy! Don’t leave Stacy, no! Don’t leave! And she’s gone! Damn it! Norman wins with his submission thing.

1.5/5.0 Spot fest with no substance it was an okay opener.

Now its time for Three Count to dance again. We go to an AD break and come back, they’re still dancing. I imagine this killed the live crowd. Tank goes in the ring and throws them out of the ring. I’d rather watch Three Count dance then Tank Abbot.

2nd Match: Tank Abbot vs Rick Jobber

They don’t even explain if this is a boxing exhibition or not. Rick attacks, Tank comes back…. and wins with a push. He KO’d him with a push.

5/5 stars. Technical classic here that not too many people talk about, quite a gem actually.

Tank Abbot was in the UFC and he says he was the only true fighter there. Yes, I imagine someone who went from UFC to WCW and wins one minute matches with pushes. Tank says he’s going to fight Big Al or something and they’re going to have a skins match. A skins match is a fucking jacket on a pole match! Are you fucking kidding me? That sounds fucking great! I can’t wait to see it, I have to tell John about this, I don’t believe he’s seen this Tank Abbot match (John’s a huge Tank Abbot mark). [Note from Caliber: very funny. However, you don’t understand how monumental this jacket on a pole match is. It contains one of WCW’s greatest moments. I can’t wait]

Dustin Rhodes says to leave the rough stuff to the pros, don’t worry, I’ll leave raping Roddy Piper to you buddy.

Sharmells backstage with some dude named The Artist. She has better mic skills and probably wrestling ability then Artist. Artist says he doesn’t like Psychosis and oh, Artist is Prince Ikeau.

3rd Match: Billy Kidman w/ Torrie Wilson vs Vampiro vs La Fucking Parka

Fuck yeah, this is going to be badass! Oh wait….

Third Match: Billy Kidman w/ Torrie Wilson vs Vampiro vs La Fucking Parka vs The Artist w/ Sharmell

Damn, well as long as Artist keeps up the pace and doesn’t embarrass himself this should be pretty good.

Everyone in the ring does a bunch of punchy-kicky. Now the rules are tag in which sucks because they can’t hide Prince’s [Note from Caliber: I don’t know, I always thought Prince did OK when in the ring. He had some decent matches against Macho & Jericho, if I recall correctly] weakness as well but it does give the match a little more substance than guys just doing shit like the first match of the night.

La Parka does some badass chopping, robot dance, dodges a clothesline and into a russian legsweep. Vampiro sends Parka to the outside and a suicide dive to the outside. Artist in now and a scoop slam to Vampiro. Vampiro goes to the top but runs into a boot. Sharmell and Torrie start fighting on the outside. Oh wait this is a tag match now, damn. I didn’t think it was due to them not coming out together. Oh well, match is over a few seconds later anyway as Prince and La Parka hit Kidman with their finishers for the win.

2.0/5.0 Eh, it was really short and again, didn’t really have any substance to it.

So backstage the Mamalukes are hanging out and for some reason his Sister is having a wedding in the backstage area of a wrestling show. [NFC: Because if you have it in the ring, then the fiance ends up being pregnant, man or woman, via a mid-card guy, and the minister ends up powerbombing you] Its pretty stupid but the best thing ever is a Priest giving him a thumbs up and acting Itallian. We go to an AD and then come back to them. He gives his Sister money and she acts all shocked, says its too much, and then takes it anyway. What… is the point of this? Is Disco Inferno going to fuck his Sister or something leading to a feud?

4th Match: Rhonda Shing(Hottest Chick Ever) vs Mona

Oklahoma comes out and thanks everyone for a warm welcome. Medusa’s the Ref for this. [NFC: Yes! The return of Bertha Faye! For those not in the know, she was the Queen of the Trailer Park in WWE, and her boyfriend was Harvey Whipplemen. She crushed Alundra Blayze’s nose or something to that effect, and so Alundra got revenge at SummerSlam 95 by losing her title to Bertha] Rhonda throws Mona around. Take down by Mona and chops to the beatiful breasts of Rhonda. Rhonda with an avalanche in the corner. Scoopslam and a legdrop. Um, Hogan just came back, how did that not end the match? Mona with a springboard cross body and Medusa doesn’t even count. Mona does a nice missle dropkick but Rhonda throws her off. Rhoda argues with Medusa for no reason. OK tries to help Rhonda ut Medusa stops him. She gets knocked out by Rhonda and OK counts the pin for Rhonda.

1.0/5.0 Some nice moves but was mostly stupid and short.

More Itallian fun. This is becoming my favorite part of the show actually.

5th Match: Lex Luger w/ Elizabeth vs Terry Funk

Funk attacks Lex while he’s still posing. Funk with punches in bunches. He goes up for the ten count. Pretty stiff looking punches by Funk. Whip into the corner and then a clothesline. Terry with some more punches but Lex comes back by throwing Terry to the outside. Clothesline on the outside of the ring by Lex. Funk reverses a whip and sends Lex into the rail. Funk sets up a table. Um, do putting people through tables count as a DQ? Also have Elizabeth and Stacy Keibler ever been in the same match as managers or something?

Lex sends Funk through the table with a presslam. Yay, now we get to see Lex work over Funk for like eight minutes. Lex works over the back and then hits a suplex. Funk comes back with a low blow and then a DDT for two. Neckbreaker and then Funk misses something from the top leading to Lex hitting Funk with a chair which causes a DQ. Arn Anderson comes down and takes the chair from him. Yes because I imagine there’s not more than one chair there.

2.0/5.0 Okay, Funk was carrying Lex there. [NFC: Well, what else are you going to do after having 3 retirements?]

Nash is eating cool whip backstage. Then there’s some AD for a workout center.

We cut to the Italain wedding and then David Flair and Crowbar attack them. Am not going to make a Godfather joke, its too easy.

6th Match: New Harlem Heat vs David Flair and Crowbar vs The Mamalukes for the Tag Titles

Disco goes on commentary and says the wedding cost $75,00 dollars. Yes, it was really hard to get backstage at WCW. The Priest was like fuck no I’m not going there unless you give me fifty percent. The rest was spent on all the cameras they used to shoot it and the money he gave to his Sister. Daffney’s hot and is eating frosting…. seductively.

To the match, Big T hits a powerslam for two. David hits T with a crowbar and the Vito gets a roll up for two. New Harlem Heat attack the Italins and Heat are going to wrestle the Mamalukes at the ppv. Then David Flair and Crowbar attack the Mamalukes. Italians cry backstage. This is a tradegy.

7th Match: The Wall vs Bam Bam Bigelow Hardcore Match

This is most likely going to suck. Wall throws some chairs around at Bam. Bam comes back by throwing Wall into a ladder. Chair shot. Wall comes back with kendo shots. Wall tries to bring the ladder in but Bam baseball slides the ladder. Wall comes back with a trash can lid shot. Wall sets up Bam on the table but Bam moves. Wall goes through the table and Bam hits an Ace Cutter like move for the win.

DUD Garbage match.

Knobbs beats up Bigelow for some reason after the match and then yells Superbrawl like twenty times. Wall then hits a chokeslam onto Bam. This is fucking brilliant.
Nitro girls dance, Hulk Hogan did an interview on MNSBC, and I made myself a smoked Ham Sandwich. [NFC: And awesomely enough, I was eating one while proof-reading this]

8th Match: Dustin Rhodes vs Chris Kanyon w/ Nitro Girls

Chris starts cutting a promo about how he’s Hollywood and Dustin rolls him up for a two count. Chris goes to hit Dustin with a chair but the Ref stops him. Dustin with a clothesline. Dustin throws Chris back in and hits a bulldog. Dustin sets up Kanyon in the corner for the kick-in-the-balls-that-doesn’t-cause-a-DQ. Chris no sells the injury to the stuff only for Dustin to hit a fallaway slam for the win. [NFC: I’m absolutely SHOCKED that when Chris came out as being gay, that Russo didn’t start an angle where Chris tried to become a Nitro Girl]

DUD Match was too short to really say anything about it.

Hulk Hogan flexes backstage getting pumped for his interview with Mean Gene. Hogan can’t think of a better place to bury a couple of bodies than New York. Um, what? Hogan says he’s going to beat up Flair.

AD for DDP’s book, I had no idea he had a book.

Book is going to wrestle Big T at Superbrawl for the rights to the letter T.

9th Match: KISS Demon vs Book

Book has the stupidest music of all time. Match is about a minute and Booker wins with a spinebuster. Yippie.

10th Match: Ric Flair vs Hulk Hogan

They have Buffer doing the introductions to make this feel important. [NFC: Sure, WCW is hemorrhaging money, but they’ve got the $10,000 to waste on Buffer doing these stupid introductions. For a NITRO]  Fans are behind Hogan. Flair brings Hogan into the corner. Flair with a headlock, Hogan comes back with a shoulderblock. Another one. Test of strength and Flair brings Hogan into the corner, Hogan no sells a chop, hits punches, and then a back body drop. Clothesline to the outside. Hogan to the outside with the backscratch of death!

Flar with an eyepoke. Flair comes back and rams Flair into the rail. Hogan throws Flair to the inside and Flair begs off. Flair with chops but of course Hogan pulls a Sting and no sells them. [NFC: I always liked that Sting was SO BUFF, that when he flexed his muscles, Flair SOLD IT] Flair with a low blow and a leg chop. Flair kicks away at the leg, then hits a Figure Four. Well that was quick, usually Flair works over the leg for a while. Hogan of course reverses causing Flair to break. Hogan still sells the knee though. Flair with a snapmare, to the top but Hogan catches him and hits the pressslam. Flair brings Hogan to the corner and hits some chops but of course Hogans no selling again. Hogan starts no selling and a ten punch. Except he hits eight and then bits Flair for some reason. Damn, Hogan you’re so unpredicatable. Anyway, Hogan with a whip to the corner and Flair flops over the ropes. Hogan hits a clothesline. Flair begs off and then pokes Hogan in the eyes. Flair sets Hogan up for a suplex but Flair’s back is hurt so he doesn’t do it. Hogan punches Flair in the corner, whip, more punches. Ref tries to break it up.

Ref is talking with Hogan giving Flair a chance to pull out brass knucks. He ko’s Hogan with it. Hart tries to tell the Ref but Flair punches him off the apron. Flair hits an elbowdrop and gets a two as Hogan powers out. Hogan’s Hulking Up and hogan hits the big boot. Legdrop and its all over the for the love of Gawd! Or not as Lex Luger runs into the ring because Vince Russo’s booking this. Luger attacks Hogan and then Luger beats up Hart. Well before I forget…

3.5/5.0 Flair worked his ass off in this match to get a good match out of Hogan. Fans were into it and Flair’s still a great worker. This proably means his match with Funk at the ppv will be pretty good.

Anyway, Hogan takes out everyone by himself because he’s Hulk Hogan. Funk beats up Flair on the outside and then Hogan yells about Superbrawl. Hogan poses for a while and then Lex Luger runs in the ring and beats up Hogan with a baseall bat. He puts Hogan’s arm in a chair and kicks it.

Well it was a pretty good show and, oh wait we haven’t seen Jeff Jarrett wrestle.

Sid says he wants to beat Jeff Jarrett for his US Title. Sid says he’s the master of the universe.

I just want to say that Hogan/Flair really should have been the main event. These fans are burnned out and Ernnest Miller has to follow up a Flair/Hogan match.

11th Match: Ernest Miller vs…

Ernest tells Gene to get in the ring. Gene says that he lied to the fans or something stupid. Cat says he has James Brown backstage however he’s too nervous to come out so he’s just going to dance to his music. Mastero comes out and says he doesn’t know James Brown which pisses off Ernest and he chases Mastero backstage.

WCW is brought to you by Snickers. I already used all my money on Pepsi so y’know.

Main Event: Jeff Jarrett vs Sid Viscious

Jeff TAKES OFF SID’S JACKET! That sick son of a bitch! Sid hits a ten punch in the corner and then a clothesline to the outside. Sid hits Jeff Jarrett with a sick water bottle shot. Jeff comes back with a sleeper. Sid comes back and hits a low blow. Chokeslam and then he goes for the powerbomb but Jeff throws Sid into the Ref. Jeff hits Sid with a belt but only gets two. Jeff gets pissed off and knocks out the Ref. Jeff goes for his finisher but Sid reverses into the crossface. Harris brothers come out. Sid takes them out but Jeff hits Sid with the gutair for the win. [NFC: They pay Buffer $10,000, and he doesn’t even announce the main event?!]

1.5/5.0 Match was a hardcore garbage brawl but kind of fun.

3.0/5.0 This has to be my favorite Nitro yet. It was stupid but fun. I was never bored and we had a pretty good Hogan match. Let’s just hope I get nothing but decent episodes while John has to sit through the bad shit. [NFC: Dude….that is just cold, man. Just cold]

5 thoughts on “Monday Nitro – February 14th, 2000 – Sebastian

  1. Russo wasn’t booking this. Kevin Sullivan was.

    Russo was sent home shortly before Souled Out, but he was brought back in early April.

  2. Mr. Hooty, you are correct. That’s why I had Russo giving the world a valentine, as a way to get back into our hearts. Of course, thinking of that now, there’s no way I should expect anyone to get that.

    Yeah, I can’t wait for April, and the reboot. With Bischoff’s SHOOT comments on Sid.

  3. To the reviewers; the few points you make can be funny and sometimes insightful. That being said, your format is god-awful. Your spelling, punctuation and grammar read as that of a child.

    Work on that, make it look readable for fuck sakes, and more people will probably read your shit. Just some constructive criticism.

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